Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - I Work for the D-N-D, Oy! Oy!

BigBen · 05-17-2005, 01:33 PM

I really thought that I had posted this story already:

Man, I haven’t slept in like, a week!

I here that phrase quite often by people who are complaining that they are tired, and although it is kind of like saying that you are cold (no, you aren’t, you just think so) I have a hard time believing someone when they say that…

I have stayed awake a long time, and there is a funny story following:

The same summer that the roads got blown up, I was tasked as a radio operator for the command post on the demolition range. I had 4 radio nets (frequencies) that I had to monitor, and I was in charge of 2 of them…
1. Range Control net: These guys are in charge of everything that happens in the field, and their position outranks the highest rank. When they say jump, one merely responds ‘How High?’
2. Company Net: Everyone involved used this frequency, and 99% of the time, they were talking about shit that had nothing to do with us.
3. Command Net: The guy in charge of the operation used this frequency, and he needed to be in contact with everyone, at all times.
4. Sentry Net: The people positioned around the demolition area had a radio to contact me if there was any breach in security (ie cow wandering into area, DUMP TRUCK flying through the barrier, et cetera).

Now this job can be split however you want, but ideally you would have at least 3 or 4 people doing this. One person listening to 2 nets each, and a third sleeping or standing by to provide relief (piss break, smoke break, meal times). We were short staffed, and instead of pulling someone off of sentry duty, or 2 more people, I was tasked with doing the job, solo.

I learned not to say no, and I soon found myself with one radio net in each ear, one with the volume turned all the way up, and one with a blinking light that was turned all the way up so that I could distinguish the 2. I became accustomed to staring at the little light, and the cord to the headset I wore was 25 feet in length so I could walk outside and take a quick piss.

It was stressful, but not too bad. There was a pot of fresh coffee on all the time, and people came and went as they got their orders or stopped to eat a meal. This was the command post after all, and there was a low buzz of activity surrounding me. When I needed to stretch my legs, or shave, I would grab one of the other staff and say “Listen to this headset. If anyone calls for callsign ZERO or Delta-Charlie-Five-Seven, give me a shout. I’ll be back in 3 minutes.”

This went on into the night. Then the sun came up. Then I emptied the garbage can and ashtray. Then I ate a meal. Then I had my 743rd cup of coffee. Then the sun set again. Everything started to run into the next. I kept talking on the radio, giving hourly reports to my boss, and so on, and so on.

Suddenly, everything was finished. The call came to shut down, and we started packing up.

My boss came over to me and said “Ben, I want you to get in that truck and move it over to the administration area so that we can get everything organized.”

What I heard was “Ben…….Truck…….Move” and I said “OKAY!!”

I got into the truck (2 ½ ton, 6 wheel drive) and started the engine. I put it into reverse, and stamped on the gas. I was travelling merrily in reverse, when I came to a steep hill. The truck was having difficulty making it up the hill in reverse. I stopped, put the transfer case in LOW range and engaged the 6-wheel drive function. AHA! Much better! I continued to merrily climb the hill.

I crested the hill, In Reverse remember, and all of a sudden, I lost traction. Hmmmmm, I wonder what is wrong. I stepped on the gas, again and again, and all that happened is that I revved the engine. I put the truck in park, shut the engine off, set the parking brake, and got out. I stepped onto a big rock, instead of the running board.

I saw in the distance at the bottom of the hill a Warrant officer. He looked really, really mad. He was running up the hill towards me.

Boy, I’d hate to be the guy that he is mad at!

I lit a cigarette, and wondered how this rock got underneath my truck. It sure looked big. On closer inspection, I seem to have parked my truck on top of this rock, and all 6 wheels were off the ground. I wonder how I will get this rock out from under here?

The Warrant finally got there. Maybe he will know how to get the rock out. I looked at him. He was yelling, and little veins were popping out of his neck. His face was red. I couldn’t hear a thing.

Maybe he is mad at YOU, Ben. Uh-oh. All of a sudden, my hearing came back.

(all of the following at absolute top volume, including spit flying and arms flapping)
“What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck happened here? Where the fuck were you going? Answer me!”

He was really, really mad. He was mad at me. I could not understand why. He told me to move the truck and I moved the truck. What did I do wrong?

“Uhmmm, I, I, I dunno. I think Warrant… Ummm” I was desperately trying to find an explanation to this whole twisted mess. My brain just couldn’t work. It was stuck in some kind of slow motion muddy substance.

He looked up at the top of my head and slowly down to the bottom of my feet. He calmed down, and stopped yelling. He looked me in the eye like a concerned parent. He used my first name:
”Ben, what happened? Are you okay?”
I looked down at my feet and noticed that I had just pissed my pants. I couldn’t feel anything.

I didn’t respond, and the Warrant took my shoulder and led me down the hill. I didn’t notice before, but the hill was quite steep!

He sat me down, called the commander, lit a smoke, and we sat there and waited. The Military Police showed up first. Then the medics. Then the recovery truck to get my truck off of the hill. It was pretty stuck I guess.

Someone found out that I had not been relieved since the start of the demolition range, and that everyone thought that I was someone else’s responsibility. I had not said anything, so everyone thought everything was taken care of.

I was awake for 72 hours. The Warrant immediately sent me to bed. I laid down, and I woke 2 hours later. I had to piss badly. I went to the can, and looked at my watch. Time for Lunch! I was suddenly starving, and had two meals. Everyone asked how I was feeling, and I guessed correctly that the word had got around about me and my fuck-up.

I went and checked in on my Warrant, expecting a huge punishment. He saw me and met me half way. He was smiling. He asked if I wanted a coffee and a smoke. I was nervous, but I obliged him.

“You have a good sleep?” he chuckled.
“Yeah, a 2 hour nap did me wonders.”
“Son, you slept for 26 hours, not 2.” He was laughing, and everyone else started to laugh. So I started to laugh.

They nicknamed me ‘Sleeping Beauty’ for a while. I found out that a soldier is no longer responsible for their own actions after being deprived of sleep for 48 hours.

So you can see when I hear people say that they haven’t slept in a week, I assume that they mean that they haven’t got a full night’s sleep in a week, not that they have been fully awake for 7 days. A few hours of napping here, a few there, but I can’t believe that anyone has ever gone a full week!

05-17-2005, 01:33 PM	#89 (permalink)
BigBen Comedian Location: Use the search button	I really thought that I had posted this story already: Man, I haven’t slept in like, a week! I here that phrase quite often by people who are complaining that they are tired, and although it is kind of like saying that you are cold (no, you aren’t, you just think so) I have a hard time believing someone when they say that… I have stayed awake a long time, and there is a funny story following: The same summer that the roads got blown up, I was tasked as a radio operator for the command post on the demolition range. I had 4 radio nets (frequencies) that I had to monitor, and I was in charge of 2 of them… 1. Range Control net: These guys are in charge of everything that happens in the field, and their position outranks the highest rank. When they say jump, one merely responds ‘How High?’ 2. Company Net: Everyone involved used this frequency, and 99% of the time, they were talking about shit that had nothing to do with us. 3. Command Net: The guy in charge of the operation used this frequency, and he needed to be in contact with everyone, at all times. 4. Sentry Net: The people positioned around the demolition area had a radio to contact me if there was any breach in security (ie cow wandering into area, DUMP TRUCK flying through the barrier, et cetera). Now this job can be split however you want, but ideally you would have at least 3 or 4 people doing this. One person listening to 2 nets each, and a third sleeping or standing by to provide relief (piss break, smoke break, meal times). We were short staffed, and instead of pulling someone off of sentry duty, or 2 more people, I was tasked with doing the job, solo. I learned not to say no, and I soon found myself with one radio net in each ear, one with the volume turned all the way up, and one with a blinking light that was turned all the way up so that I could distinguish the 2. I became accustomed to staring at the little light, and the cord to the headset I wore was 25 feet in length so I could walk outside and take a quick piss. It was stressful, but not too bad. There was a pot of fresh coffee on all the time, and people came and went as they got their orders or stopped to eat a meal. This was the command post after all, and there was a low buzz of activity surrounding me. When I needed to stretch my legs, or shave, I would grab one of the other staff and say “Listen to this headset. If anyone calls for callsign ZERO or Delta-Charlie-Five-Seven, give me a shout. I’ll be back in 3 minutes.” This went on into the night. Then the sun came up. Then I emptied the garbage can and ashtray. Then I ate a meal. Then I had my 743rd cup of coffee. Then the sun set again. Everything started to run into the next. I kept talking on the radio, giving hourly reports to my boss, and so on, and so on. Suddenly, everything was finished. The call came to shut down, and we started packing up. My boss came over to me and said “Ben, I want you to get in that truck and move it over to the administration area so that we can get everything organized.” What I heard was “Ben…….Truck…….Move” and I said “OKAY!!” I got into the truck (2 ½ ton, 6 wheel drive) and started the engine. I put it into reverse, and stamped on the gas. I was travelling merrily in reverse, when I came to a steep hill. The truck was having difficulty making it up the hill in reverse. I stopped, put the transfer case in LOW range and engaged the 6-wheel drive function. AHA! Much better! I continued to merrily climb the hill. I crested the hill, In Reverse remember, and all of a sudden, I lost traction. Hmmmmm, I wonder what is wrong. I stepped on the gas, again and again, and all that happened is that I revved the engine. I put the truck in park, shut the engine off, set the parking brake, and got out. I stepped onto a big rock, instead of the running board. I saw in the distance at the bottom of the hill a Warrant officer. He looked really, really mad. He was running up the hill towards me. Boy, I’d hate to be the guy that he is mad at! I lit a cigarette, and wondered how this rock got underneath my truck. It sure looked big. On closer inspection, I seem to have parked my truck on top of this rock, and all 6 wheels were off the ground. I wonder how I will get this rock out from under here? The Warrant finally got there. Maybe he will know how to get the rock out. I looked at him. He was yelling, and little veins were popping out of his neck. His face was red. I couldn’t hear a thing. Maybe he is mad at YOU, Ben. Uh-oh. All of a sudden, my hearing came back. (all of the following at absolute top volume, including spit flying and arms flapping) “What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck happened here? Where the fuck were you going? Answer me!” He was really, really mad. He was mad at me. I could not understand why. He told me to move the truck and I moved the truck. What did I do wrong? “Uhmmm, I, I, I dunno. I think Warrant… Ummm” I was desperately trying to find an explanation to this whole twisted mess. My brain just couldn’t work. It was stuck in some kind of slow motion muddy substance. He looked up at the top of my head and slowly down to the bottom of my feet. He calmed down, and stopped yelling. He looked me in the eye like a concerned parent. He used my first name: ”Ben, what happened? Are you okay?” I looked down at my feet and noticed that I had just pissed my pants. I couldn’t feel anything. I didn’t respond, and the Warrant took my shoulder and led me down the hill. I didn’t notice before, but the hill was quite steep! He sat me down, called the commander, lit a smoke, and we sat there and waited. The Military Police showed up first. Then the medics. Then the recovery truck to get my truck off of the hill. It was pretty stuck I guess. Someone found out that I had not been relieved since the start of the demolition range, and that everyone thought that I was someone else’s responsibility. I had not said anything, so everyone thought everything was taken care of. I was awake for 72 hours. The Warrant immediately sent me to bed. I laid down, and I woke 2 hours later. I had to piss badly. I went to the can, and looked at my watch. Time for Lunch! I was suddenly starving, and had two meals. Everyone asked how I was feeling, and I guessed correctly that the word had got around about me and my fuck-up. I went and checked in on my Warrant, expecting a huge punishment. He saw me and met me half way. He was smiling. He asked if I wanted a coffee and a smoke. I was nervous, but I obliged him. “You have a good sleep?” he chuckled. “Yeah, a 2 hour nap did me wonders.” “Son, you slept for 26 hours, not 2.” He was laughing, and everyone else started to laugh. So I started to laugh. They nicknamed me ‘Sleeping Beauty’ for a while. I found out that a soldier is no longer responsible for their own actions after being deprived of sleep for 48 hours. So you can see when I hear people say that they haven’t slept in a week, I assume that they mean that they haven’t got a full night’s sleep in a week, not that they have been fully awake for 7 days. A few hours of napping here, a few there, but I can’t believe that anyone has ever gone a full week! __________________ 3.141592654 Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.