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aberkok · 05-16-2005, 02:56 PM

I was going through this not too long ago. Doesn't money just suck?

The only advice I can really offer, since the problem fixed itself for me (she finished teacher's college and got a job) is that she needs to do something which fulfills her more than cleaning the house. Whether that be to find a career path or take up some kind of art or serious activity. She needs to self-actualize in some way, and achieve her potential.

You have every right to be upset. I know I was when I was in the same boat. As the situation was taken more and more for granted, it became harder for me to happily share the income I was making, especially since things were so tight for us.

The trick is in how you handle communicating this to her. We would end up fighting a lot because, in bringing it up, I think her self-worth came into question, i.e. "why am I making this sacrifice for someone who doesn't appreciate it?" which begged the question (I asked myself): "what will it take to satisfy my notion that this is worth it?"

In the end I think, apart from my money seemingly going towards someone who was taking it for granted, I was sad for her situation (depressed and didn't feel like she was getting anywhere in her life). I was doing what I wanted to be doing with my life at that time, and in retrospect, I was forgetting how hard it can be to get to that point, and forgetting all the times when I just wanted to give up and stay at home/in bed instead of looking for a job/ getting gigs.

To make a long story short (too late), it's O.K. to be mad, but I think your priority should be to empathize with her and see if you can get to the bottom of her depression together. I believe the financial part should come after that.

05-16-2005, 02:56 PM	#3 (permalink)
aberkok “Wrong is right.” Location: toronto	I was going through this not too long ago. Doesn't money just suck? The only advice I can really offer, since the problem fixed itself for me (she finished teacher's college and got a job) is that she needs to do something which fulfills her more than cleaning the house. Whether that be to find a career path or take up some kind of art or serious activity. She needs to self-actualize in some way, and achieve her potential. You have every right to be upset. I know I was when I was in the same boat. As the situation was taken more and more for granted, it became harder for me to happily share the income I was making, especially since things were so tight for us. The trick is in how you handle communicating this to her. We would end up fighting a lot because, in bringing it up, I think her self-worth came into question, i.e. "why am I making this sacrifice for someone who doesn't appreciate it?" which begged the question (I asked myself): "what will it take to satisfy my notion that this is worth it?" In the end I think, apart from my money seemingly going towards someone who was taking it for granted, I was sad for her situation (depressed and didn't feel like she was getting anywhere in her life). I was doing what I wanted to be doing with my life at that time, and in retrospect, I was forgetting how hard it can be to get to that point, and forgetting all the times when I just wanted to give up and stay at home/in bed instead of looking for a job/ getting gigs. To make a long story short (too late), it's O.K. to be mad, but I think your priority should be to empathize with her and see if you can get to the bottom of her depression together. I believe the financial part should come after that. __________________ !check out my new blog! http://arkanamusic.wordpress.com Warden Gentiles: "It? Perfectly innocent. But I can see how, if our roles were reversed, I might have you beaten with a pillowcase full of batteries."