Squishor

Nancy, I think part of what happens might be that the potential rapist has adrenaline going just as much as the woman does.

I playfight with my boyfriend(s) a lot, or have in the past anyway. As a rule they haven't been able to hold onto me for more than a few seconds and complain that I fight back too hard and hurt them. These men would be unlikely rapists.

However, I once had my auto shop teacher try to rape me and I found that it wasn't quite the same. We had made friends and he was helping me rewire the front end of my car, which took a lot more time than the routine maintenance the class was designed to teach. We were alone in his office after hours, and out of the blue he grabbed me and forced me down on the floor in the classic position of being on my back with my wrists restrained by his hands. When I tried to resist or wriggle out, I found that he had me in a grip of steel and I could see this look in his eyes like he wasn't "himself." He started undoing my pants and that's when I realized he was serious. As many times as I had successfully trounced my boyfriends, I was unable to fight back, not by the usual methods anyway. Here's how I avoided being raped:

When I realized I would have an extremely hard time getting my wrists out of his grasp or resisting in the usual way, I stopped moving and started planning. First of all, I had learned in a self-defense class that if you stop resisting for a bit, it may cause them to relax their grip enough for you to get loose, because they think you've given up. But he didn't. I felt this unbelievable surge of adrenaline rising up within me, and I determined that I would go to any lengths I had to before I was going to let this asshole rape me. I thought fast and decided that I would bite his nose off if I had to, or any other body part that presented itself. But first, I tried psychology. With the rage of a beast rising up inside me, I looked him square in the eyes and said, "I thought we were friends." It worked! His whole look changed, and he embarassedly let go and tried to laugh it off as a joke. I got the fuck out of there, to say the least.

Another time when I successfully used psychology to defend myself is remiscent of Seeker's story. It was late at night and I was walking alone to meet this guy I was seeing at a motel in the bad part of town. The streets were empty. I became aware of three guys walking behind me, and they picked up the pace until they were gaining on me. Then they started making comments, I forget what they said but they were distinctly threatening, I'm sure you can imagine. They had been following me for a good two blocks and I was almost at the street I was looking for, we'll call it "Seaside." So what I did was, when they were about 5 feet behind me I unexpectedly turned to face them, and asked, "Excuse me, do you know where Seaside street is?" They immediately dropped their threatening attitude and responded by going, "Oh, um, er, yeah, I think it's that next one coming up right there." I thanked them and strode off purposefully while they were thrown off guard. It instantly normalized the situation when I asked for directions, and they didn't know how to handle it. I turned the corner, and as soon as I was behind a building, I ran for my life!

I hope these stories help illustrate that a woman can stop a potential rape by using her head, even when she is overpowered. I'm sure it doesn't work in every situation, but it's important to not give up and decide you're done for. It's also important to not present the appearance of an easy victim - if there's someone walking behind me on the street, the first thing I do is turn and look straight at him so he knows I realize he's there and am paying attention. So far I haven't ever been raped.