Okay, how's this for a "i'm ready to break up with you" email? Keep in mind we were.. (are?) in a long distance relationship, and this version is slightly edited for her sake. I always thought though, if anyone, i'd be able to make it work, but apparently not. Ah well, time to move on if it comes to it. Great thing is, despite all the absolute crap I've gone through, i'll come away a lot less bitter than i thought would be. And it hardly lessens my resolve and faith in love. Rock on.
Hey ---,
Hmm, so i finally think I know what's going on. Got this totally random call from your mother last night on my way home from uni that's pretty much got me torn in two. On the one hand, I could believe your mother and everything she said and that it truly is off between you and I, and on the other, maybe she's just frustrated about things you say about us. Basically i've chosen to go along with what she's saying, but still want to talk to you personally about all this.
Firstly, she said that you're not telling be because you're scared that I can't take it or something.. Well, how many fricken times have i told you that it's up to you and that i'm not forcing you to be with me. Every time you break my heart, use me, cheat on me and treat me like shit I tell you this and i've had enough. You've had this choice for a long time and look, if you don't want me and any of my qualities, I'm not gonna just roll over and die. I tried all I could.. I put my heart and soul into this relationship.. more than you could possibly imagine. Believe it or not, I actually do still have a life outside of us and one that quite frankly is going fine, work's fine, band's finally up & running again starting next week next, i've been spending a lot of time out of home (with mates), i've got a few uni paths which i'm thinking of pursuing and I have hell of a lot of trips i want to organise. Speaking of which, I wanted to come visit on the queens birthday weekend before our 2 year anniversary and i've got the money, money's not the issue, it's finding a time when you're free and a way I can avoid my parents and all their crap and questioning but now that's not happening, i might as well go and buy me a shiny new effects pedal for the guitar.
I wanna hear your side, because from calling me "babe" in your last email on sunday, asking what to expect from me this year, to it being totally off has really got me wondering and yea the obivous thing came to mind and i'm guessing that you've done the dirty on me once again over the weekend or over several weekends. Whatever, it's been wouldn't surprise me at all. I just want you for once in this relationship to be absolutely, completely honest about the way you feel and what YOU want out of this relationship.. because all you're making me feel like is like some random 2 year rebound boy, and to be honest, I know I deserve better than that. I think you know what I had planned for you before for the end of this year, it's pretty obvious, it's been 2 years now.. and I had the perfect way to show you exactly how much you meant to me, but whatever, don't look at that as a reason to stay with me please. I just needed to get it off my chest.
Another thing your mother said is that you were scared that even if you broke up with me, I'd say yes and go along with it, but still be into you, attached or not get over you.. or something along those lines, but baby, when you're gone, you're gone. That's it. No I don't really wanna lose you right now, and of course I do have and will have feelings for you for a long time. But unlike other guys, who come back at the click of a finger, once you've lost me. I'm not coming back, and when I said, that if I had a wife and kids later on and i'd cheat on her and them for you, well somehow, I don't ever see that happening. To have kids with someone is something major and there's no way i'd throw it away for an old flame. Nor would I cheat on any future girlfriend with you, it's not my style and you know that.
The last thing I remember her saying is that it's hard for you seeing all your mates together with each other.. I dunno.. How about this for hard, at least 6 people I know, 4 of which are really close to me are getting married.. then there's jord, tim, bev, sam, a lot of my close mates have girlfriends that they can see all the time. How do you think that makes me feel half the time. It's goddamn hard but I just deal with it without cheating on you.
After saying all that, if this is all because you couldn't get hold of me over the weekend, then i'm really sorry, I had no money on my phone and a good 14 hours work on saturday. I've got money now though and I will call you tonight regardless so we can talk. I also promised to be there for you if you needed someone to talk to after we've broken up, and I'm keeping my word.. if you need someone to talk to i'll listen and be supportive, just don't think it'll be anything more than support, and if I say "love you" at the end of a conversation, it's a totally different "love you", like the kind i'd say to elle, nate after a phone call or to ashly at the end of an msn conversation. And if your mother was right and not exaggerating things or you have cheated on me again with someone, anyone. Then fuck yea, i'm good to go move on and find someone else when i'm ready. But for the love of god, don't take me as some clingy idiot, who's gonna be constantly asking for another go or to have sex with you, I've got a lot more self respect than that.
[Edited] There are or were 2 people in this relationship and sooner or later you'll have to learn to take responsiblity for your actions. After I stop being your boyfriend, instead of just kicking yourself mentally and hurting yourself over things, you have to take life by the balls and be what you wanna be, ignore your mother's pressure, social pressure and listen to your heart, don't even listen to me if you feeling i'm pressuring you in a certain direction. If i can at least help you to become the awesome girl inside, gentle, confident and intuitive. That's one less dream i have to worry about. Roxxor.
Love -------
I probably shoulda said, "if ya did cheat again, i'm outies" Because i'm not going through that all over again.. The issues in this email are about 1/10th, the issues we've been though.. and that's in the last 6 months 
Still, there are reasons why I want to be with the girl and strong ones at that, but the more i read this email, the more everything steers towards no. Ask away, with questions or any criticism, i'm ready for it and open to it. I don't think i'll go into all the specifics for her sake, besides, each of our issues would take a separate post on it's own. Finally, to all the bleeding 15 year old hearts out there who feel the world ends when their girl or guy is dumped them.. just get over it.