StephenSa

While this mightseem more suited for the Sexuality forum it's really about emotional love and relationship issues so I put it here. Feel free to move if it is inappropriate. I recently had a disscussion with my wife that has her questioning my love for her and our continued life together. For a while we have had very little sex life. To be honest I've never had a huge sex drive but for the past several months it has been nil. At first it was all me. I'd gained a bit of weight and didn't feel very good about myself, I'd been drinking too much, stress from work, lack of spontenaity due to my stepdaughter being in the house, just lots of things that put our sex life in the pooper. My wife felt the issue was strictly her weight. For months she has made disparaging comments about herself and blaming our lack of sex strictly on that issue even though I explained what my reasons were. For months now I've heard her go on and on about her weight. I suppose as a response to my lack of intimate attention she started eating more and putting on extra pounds. As this has continued, yes, her weight now is a factor in the sex thing. Since she has been going on about it for months and now it is a factor I decided we should sit down and rationally discuss the issue. We addressed my drinking, the stepdaughter, stress, and came up with solutions. THEN we got to weight/sex. Not such a good outcome. I told her that while it wasn't an issue before, her weight had gotten to the point that yes, it bothered me and made it harder for me to be sexually attracted to her. She then burst into tears and ran from the room. A week later when she finally decided to speak to me again she said that her weight shouldn't be an issue. She said that if I truly loved her it wouldn't matter and that my feelings for her must be shallow. She said I couldn't possibly care for her the way she cares for me and she wished I had said something before we got married. She said she doesn't see how we can get pass this. Woof, I guess I screwed up. I really don't think I did anything wrong. I saw a problem and enacted rational communication to resolve it. I was going to suggest we try special "fantasy nights" and schedule romantic outings for just the two of us to spice things up. As for the weight I was going to suggest we throw all the bad food out and start a program TOGETHER to be healthier, more fit, and frankly sexier. Never got to that point. It ended with "You don't love me, we might as well split up." So, my question(s) is this: Am I wrong to want the thinner wife I married? Am I wrong to try to rationally address an issue that was negatively effecting our marriage? I love my wife with all my heart but yes, the amount of weight she has put on is a turn off. Does that make me a bad husband or bad person in general? And finally, is sex more important than genuine deep emotional love in a marriage or should that deep emotion overide any physical hangups one partner have about the other? I know thats a lot to ask but I'm a little scared and confused so I could use a little help.

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