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raeanna74 · 05-11-2005, 06:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

Raeanna, your second statement about being stuck... I wonder how many mothers feel that way. That's another feeling I never want to have, with having kids... again, I am very selfish, but I just have so much I want to do with my life that would be messed up by having kids.

I spent my whole life creating distance from my needy mother, so why would I spend the rest of it creating distance from needy kids?

I know a number of mothers who have the same feeling. MOST of them are stay-at-home moms. I find my feelings of being 'stuck' come about most often in January. I have a home day care and have multiple children in my home all day and in January up in Wisconsin you can't get out much with children. The time it takes to bundle up little ones and get them out and back in to the bathroom and back out again is such a hassle. Plus you can't really let them out to play in below 0 F temperatures such as we usually have most of Jan. I have found ways of getting past the feelings by giving myself time out alone without the kids before I get tired of the kids.

For me I don't feel stuck career wise because teaching was my chosen profession. I enjoy working with kids and I have built a faithful customer base and reputation that will follow me anywhere. Hubby also supports me if I chose to go out into the work force and close my daycare. He supports my business as well. I have choices and when I remind myself that this is my choice I feel free.

My mother is strongly co-dependent. She's so strongly that way that she will find imaginary learning disabilities in her husband or grandchildren so that she can "test" them, diagnose them, and give them homework. She does this very frequently. I have since found ways of giving her "needs" to fill and she's forgotten about my daughter's supposed ADHD for quite a while now.

Being needed can be nice but needing to be needed is a problem.