abaya

Raeanna, I agree with your first statement... I like the way you put it. I, too, enjoy being someone's "first alert" person, the person they want to tell/ask everything... it helps me feel honored and validated (a bit like what Kinky Kiwi was saying a few posts ago).

But being the ONLY person, no, that's crossing a line... and I think that's why I don't want to have children right now. Because basically, you are their first and only person to go-to (as well as the father, but usually the mom ends up with the most responsibility since moms are more pro-active, in my observation)... and that's too much "need" for me. Seems like kids don't really "want" you as a parent until they're in their 20s and 30s, at least.

My mother used me to fill several huge gaps in her life, and many times I feel like she has always needed me more than she wanted me. That's not a good foundation for a mother-daughter relationship, and I don't ever want my own kids (if I were to have them) to feel that way. I don't ever want to resent my kids, either, no matter how good the trade-offs are. Maybe that's being idealistic? I don't know.

Raeanna, your second statement about being stuck... I wonder how many mothers feel that way. That's another feeling I never want to have, with having kids... again, I am very selfish, but I just have so much I want to do with my life that would be messed up by having kids.

I spent my whole life creating distance from my needy mother, so why would I spend the rest of it creating distance from needy kids?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran