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And with that i would like to thank my Mom for literally everything. Like for that time back in '57 when you went to the hospital and it was really painful, but you hung in there, and then when you came home, you were holding me in your arms.
Have I ever mentioned that I am eternally grateful for the approximately 8-12 tons of food you have given me over the years, even, though the 14 kilograms of lima beans. (I only ate three kilos though, the other 11 are hidden in a crawl space in our old house in ******.)
Oh and while I think of it, thanks for the name. I know it must have hurt your feelings when I was about 8 and I announced that I didn't really like the name John. When I decided there were too many of us at school, and so could you please just call me applejack from now on?
For not panicking when I got Ds in English from Sister Rita Claire in the 4th grade because you knew that what I wrote was much more important than how it looked on a piece of paper, and that it was essential to encourage and nurture an active imagination in your children.
For that time when I was about 5 or 6 and I put on your boots and went in the closet... On second thought, never mind about that time.
My appreciation and love for you cannot be overstated, even under the intense pressures of satire. But most of all, thank you so much Mom for your joyful, tender, protective, fearless, empowering, unconditional and life-giving love.
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I have learned not to sweet the little things, and pet the sweaty things
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