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Old 05-04-2005, 09:30 AM   #10 (permalink)
abaya
 
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Location: Iceland
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJess
Have you tried talking to him and trying to explain that it's important to you emotionally? Perhaps if you say that when he forgets special days, it makes you feel hurt and underappreciated, he might understand better. -snip- I have known other men who just plain don't get it, and they do need the education. My brother-in-law grew up in a house where they didn't bother wrapping presents, or remembering holidays hardly at all, so when he married my sister (from a family where we DO), they both had a lot of adjusting to do. Now he remembers, he comes up with ideas on his own, and even wraps them - even if he goes shopping the night before, it's his thing. Perhaps with some honest discussion of your feelings, your husband can also learn - once he figures out it's about how it makes you feel, not about criticizing him.
I agree with everything Jess said here... I'm sure he would like to do something for you if he knew how important it was to you. And yes, most men SHOULD know this, but many of them don't receive the same behavioral training that women do in terms of remembering special occasions, so we have to tell them somehow. And there are some women who really just don't give a flip about stuff like this, either (I'm not one of those), which is fine too.

As everyone else has said, I wouldn't bring it up now either... it's too soon... but maybe after Mother's Day, when he hasn't gotten you anything (which I can almost guarantee will happen, given what you've said), be clear about how it made you feel without criticizing him directly. The classic I-feel statements work great for this... "I feel neglected and that you don't think about doing something special with me on special holidays, and I really just need you to do those things for me to feel loved at those times." Something like that. I mean, he may still choose to be passive on holidays, but you can't control that. Your job is to at least communicate your feelings/expectations so that he is aware of them, and you can both go from there.
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