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la petite moi · 05-01-2005, 09:02 AM

While I was having eating issues, I ended up cutting myself nearly everyday from depression. It was mostly a cry for attention, which my parents did not respond to. Like the stereotype, I was an excellent student who was pushed to do more and more by my parents. My grades were never enough for them. I ended up losing around 25 pounds, and was a 95 pound 5'3" freak who cut so much that I would have to wear long sleeve shirts and a big sweater over that in order to cover things up.

The final straw came right before my parents were going to send me to France- at the time, I didn't appreciate the expenses as much as I should have. Two weeks before, my mom wanted me to try on some dress or something she had bought me from the Goodwill. I refused (on the grounds that my arm was hamburger meat, pretty much), but she grabbed me and then took one look at my arm. She gave me an ultimatum: quit cutting completely and go to France, or see a psychologist for the summer. Of course, I said I would quit.

While in France, I found whatever I could to cut when I could. My eating disorder raged uncontrolled- in one house, I would eat everything and then throw it up. The the other house, I would eat more than I should and then feel sick and guilty, but not throw up. In another house, I wouldn't eat, period. And all the while, I was becoming more and more depressed. I tried everything- nails, splinters, pens, and finally I pulled the tiny blade from my shaving razor.

When I got home, my eating disorder continued, but it was quieter- I only ate for my parents and in small amounts, and then I would go and exercise for two hours. This is how my cutting was- in small amounts and hidden under my breasts and on my upper arms.

I had ruined three of my relationships this way. And that's how I started off when I was dating nwlinkvxd. He hadn't noticed it as much, but after I told him about things, he started caring a lot more. I had issues eating in front of him and his family.

After two years with him though, I am a normal 115-120 pound girl, who rarely cuts (only when extremely depressed, and that's not often). I have gotten over my issues.

So yeah, I used to be a cutter.

05-01-2005, 09:02 AM	#11 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	While I was having eating issues, I ended up cutting myself nearly everyday from depression. It was mostly a cry for attention, which my parents did not respond to. Like the stereotype, I was an excellent student who was pushed to do more and more by my parents. My grades were never enough for them. I ended up losing around 25 pounds, and was a 95 pound 5'3" freak who cut so much that I would have to wear long sleeve shirts and a big sweater over that in order to cover things up. The final straw came right before my parents were going to send me to France- at the time, I didn't appreciate the expenses as much as I should have. Two weeks before, my mom wanted me to try on some dress or something she had bought me from the Goodwill. I refused (on the grounds that my arm was hamburger meat, pretty much), but she grabbed me and then took one look at my arm. She gave me an ultimatum: quit cutting completely and go to France, or see a psychologist for the summer. Of course, I said I would quit. While in France, I found whatever I could to cut when I could. My eating disorder raged uncontrolled- in one house, I would eat everything and then throw it up. The the other house, I would eat more than I should and then feel sick and guilty, but not throw up. In another house, I wouldn't eat, period. And all the while, I was becoming more and more depressed. I tried everything- nails, splinters, pens, and finally I pulled the tiny blade from my shaving razor. When I got home, my eating disorder continued, but it was quieter- I only ate for my parents and in small amounts, and then I would go and exercise for two hours. This is how my cutting was- in small amounts and hidden under my breasts and on my upper arms. I had ruined three of my relationships this way. And that's how I started off when I was dating nwlinkvxd. He hadn't noticed it as much, but after I told him about things, he started caring a lot more. I had issues eating in front of him and his family. After two years with him though, I am a normal 115-120 pound girl, who rarely cuts (only when extremely depressed, and that's not often). I have gotten over my issues. So yeah, I used to be a cutter.