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Originally Posted by EULA
Now I know you'll say, "You can't do anything you want, because many of those things are illegal." True, but what happens when no one is looking? How will your children behave when they know that they won't get caught?
What happens when your children move away and no longer have a leash around their necks? What happens when you stop giving them rewards?
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The funny part of all this discussion, Eula, is that we really agree more then we disagree. I give my children a LOT of freedom! All I ask for in return is that they are respectful. To me, it is respectful to come home when arranged, to help with chores (note: I do chores to!), to speak nicely, etc. When I let them learn from their mistakes, for example getting cold by not wearing a coat outside or bieng tired from not going to bed on time, they learn to think through their actions. When they think, it no longer matters if I'm around or not -- they will make good choices simply because they know what they choose will effect them.
As for rewards, you are right on. Children need to be taught to feel good about themselves -- but too many externall rewards DOES NOT build self-esteem. I will often use phrases such as, "wow, that must have felt good to have everyone applaud for you;" or "how did it feel when they hung your artwork front and center?" I want them to tune into intrisnic rather then extrinsic rewards.