Jess outlined a lot of our rules. I know how you're feeling - my father hasn't fought fair in years. He brings up the past, completely closes himself off if things aren't going his way, and yells whenever he feels it's necessary. I've worked really hard to not act like him, which is tough because it's a part of me. I have always asked Jess to point out whenever I'm acting like him, because I need to be made aware of it.
One of my biggest problems is using the word "stupid." Like if I'm angry and I think she's done something dumb, I'll say something like "you're stupid," and that really upsets her. This is something that I still have a problem with.
One of my biggest rules is the typical "don't go to bed angry." We usually try to stay awake and work out problems until they're worked out. Sometimes it can't work; sometimes you need to get some distance from the problem. But I find that going to bed angry just pushes all those feelings deep inside, and sometimes they just don't come out in the morning - so they get internalized and come out sometime later (and it's never the right time). So we try and work everything out before bed. For the most part, it works for us.
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You have to laugh at yourself...because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't. - Emily Saliers
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