Quote:
We should go out for coffee or something
I don't know if you drink coffee
But it seems like the thing to do
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When said out aloud the second coffee is too much coffee. I don't know what to replace it with seeing as that is your job.
(yes, I know I liked it to begin with but it changed when I tried reading the poems out loud)
However, I find little else to nitpick with but I feel that the poems are almost too personal for public viewing. Their general feel is that they don't call forth emotions (not the same you had when you were writing them atleast) and that they are too kind, verging to the naïve. I'd like a little bit more punch, aggressiveness and general madness/mayhem.
As they are now, they're good and a future steppingstone and it's a sentence I don't like to use, but it's got great potential. I'd love to read more if you get to a phase where you feel more homicidal. In the meantime I'll read these and dig them.