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I agree on the no-past-issues stuff. God, my mother is a pro at that, and once she got going, so did my dad. Ugly stuff. Although... what if you are citing an example in the past about yourself, not the other person? As in, "The way I feel now is similar to such and such in the past, do you see the pattern of what triggers me?" something like that. In that sense I don't think it's used to score points... it's just looking for patterns that may be helpful to understanding the current situation?...
Jess, I like your rules about speaking up. I think I should have clarified and said, "Speak up if something is really bothering you, rational or not, and doesn't appear to be going away anytime soon." I try to keep these things in mind... I find that after a time period of 2-3 days, though, if something's still there, I need to bring it up. On the other hand, some people prefer to have conflict addressed immediately, not to have the other person wait and let it build up... thoughts?
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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran
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