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Bringing up past arguments is a HUGE no-no in our house. The minute anyone does that in a "keeping points" sort of way, they get called on it immediately as being bullshit. An argument should be about the current issue. The only time past incidents can be brought up is if the argument is about a trend, a pattern, and you use examples - not in a 'but you were wrong then, and then, and then' way - but to illustrate why you feel the way you feel.
We try to follow these 'rules' too... as best we can! As for rule #1, speak up... that's the one I just can't do. I don't like to bring up stuff immediately for a variety of reasons: 1. what if I'm overreacting/currently overemotional? I don't want to start an argument over nothing if it's just me. 2. sometimes, I'm just too angry and I want to cool off, and be able to be reasonable. 3. sometimes, if it's a behavior that upsets me (for instance... he could be picking on me too much in front of his friends, to an unnecessarily hurtful point), I want to make sure it's not just a one-time occurrence. It may just be a fluke. If he does it several times, THEN it gets brought up.
Otherwise, I have to agree with those "fightin' words".
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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.
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