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Originally Posted by abaya
Ribs, are you actually my bf writing in disguise?? Kidding. Really, though, that's almost exactly what he says to me when I bring this stuff up. Maybe it's true, I don't know... but it didn't used to be true. I don't want to bring up the past, but it used to be such a non-given thing that we said it all the time, and meant it. Somewhere along the line it became a given for him, but I still wanted to hear it just as much. I wish I didn't need constant affirmation, I really wish that. It kills me when I get like this... and believe me, I am working on it as much as possible. But it never seems to go away, and that really gets to me.
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Well, I imagine this tends to be a pretty fundamental difference between men and women... I know pretty specifically about myself what makes a relationship with me difficult, which is good. I also know none of that will likely change, bad. So my first goal is to stay out of relationships - worked great for 2 years until just recently I made the mistake of letting a good friendship get romantic. The old bait and switch - I'm such a sucker!
Anyway - habits like saying 'I love you' routinely are a good Preemptive Strike against a few inevitable things I know are coming! A new habit is easier to form than my old habits are to break. That doesn't mean I would mean it any less. Rather it is that I learned to appreciate the value of a small steady stream of affection for my SO, and for me it was a reminder to keep that person important when I get caught up with work and life and I tend to push things (people) to another "shelf" in my priority list. Eh, it makes sense to me anyway...!
An idea for you abaya - why don't you make a deal that your boyfriend write you 2 or 3 different letters explaining why you are important to him. It will be painful for him (he's a guy), but than you can pull one out when you need a little affirmation until you both find a happy middle ground. In return, you drop the need for his I love you's by half or whatever. I know letters aren't as good as him calling on his own with a 'Hello, love' - but, you will have something to embarass him with in front of his friends when he steps out of line. That's good, yeah?