EffStarStarStar

I'm going to go more along the lines of what uptown wrote, because I feel there are more than enough people poking their head in, skimming the story, and saying kick the bitch to the curb.

It seems to me -- and you'll have to do some soul-searching to decide whether I'm right or not -- that you feel bad and you want people to understand it. You want validation of your pain more than you want a solution. You want her to understand it, and you want us to understand it. Why is it so important? Shouldn't finding a solution be just as important or more important?

You persuaded her to move in with you but you did not force her. No matter what you said or did, it was her decision. You need to realize that the same applies to what she has done to you. The actions that she does are her responsibility, and your response to those actions is your responsibility.

"cried like a baby for most of the phone call"? Your fault.
"haven't eaten in 24 hours"? Your fault.
"cannot sleep"? Your fault.
"Suicidal for short periods of time"? Your fault.

These are things that she CANNOT do to you; you can only do them to yourself. I'm not saying that you should have a heart made of stone and not care about what your friends do to you, but you are putting too much emphasis on this pain and you want to hear us say that it's all her fault. Let's take stock of what her actions were: moved in with you, broke a few engagements, became interested in spending time with people who are more like her, cut it off with you by getting her own apartment and putting distance between you, and started seeing another guy. I'm going to leave the financial situation out of this, because it seems irrelevant. As Rogue49 put it, you're a giver. I don't doubt that she accepted these things because she thought it was 100% okay with you, and I don't doubt that you were 100% okay with it when you agreed to it.

If I sound a little harsh, it's because this situation hits close to home. I see some of myself in your post. I have also been in situations where it got well beyond a point where I should have given up, and the pain became my focus. At those times, I was deliberately making myself feel worse and making that her fault. Looking back, there really is nothing awful that was done to me, but I needed a reason why it didn't work out, and I made that my reason. That I was in pain that SHE had created, and she didn't see it or didn't care, and so she must be an insensitive or hurtful person who I shouldn't have been going after in the first place. And as cracked up as it sounds, I think another big reason that I did it was for pity... that after all else had failed I thought I could get someone to like me out of pity.

Your situation is different than mine, of course, but I see certain parts that are definitely very similar. Most notably, "(if you kiss a guy, doesn't that mean you're "with him"?)" struck a chord in me. I'm reminded of how I went into college thinking that (at least on a subconcious level) and that it took a long while for me to shed that kind of nonsense. If you two were already together, I could see making a kiss a big deal. But you weren't. The two of you had broken up. You were trying to put things back together, and she was open to the idea. It is not a crime for her to fall for somebody else. As many people here have said already, it would appear that you two are not right for each other, and if you're going to act on that information you need to be able to do so without making it "all her fault" that it didn't work out. It just didn't work out. These things happen. In any case, I wish you the best of luck.