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First thing to do is talk about it. IF she's not going to make an effort, you have to decide if it's that important to you to end your marriage, unless she agrees to have an 'open' marriage, which sounds good and is great when it works, but needs a lot more effort than you think.
Second thing to do is end the affair. It's never a good thing to be unfaithful. Not a good base to have to rebuild on if you want to continue the marriage.
I also notice it's been awhile since the original post, an update of some sorts would be interesting.
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That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man,
If with his tongue he cannot win a woman.
The Two Gentleman of Verona. ACT III Scene 1.
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