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I think when the children are older, then they can make thier own choices. However, children as young as 5 do not have to mental ability to reason out that not brushing their teeth today will lead to rotten teeth sometime in the future. They don't abstract very well. There is a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG difference between the brains of children and of adolescents. Just because you can say "well i'm tired today because I went to bed late last night" doesn't mean a child can. Read some psych papers, cause they do ALL agree on this point.
Also, I see boundaries as a way of setting the child up for self-restraint later in life. If they have boundaries set early in life, then they will be more likely to follow boundaries they themselves set up later in life. Children don't know what "respect" is, they don't understand such vague absract concepts.
I think that giving them choices is respectful, that telling them what will happen as a result of their actions is respectful. Ignoring their needs and allowing them to run wild IS NOT respectful, to them now or later.
Let me emphasize once more, please read some psych literature, as I'm sure Sexymama has since she's a teacher of children and parents, to back up your claims.
And i think that chores should be mutual. Parents do chores (some people call that work, and yes, someone makes us do it...the grocery store and the landlord and ultimately the govt), and kids do chores. Let your kids see that your work is a chore that you do every day. And hey, you can also unload the dishwasher once in a while.
Although I don't have kids, I have been around them, and I still remember somewhat what it was like when I was one. Sexymama's posts make a lot of sense, I think, and her husband says they have pretty well behaved young'uns. That's the real evidence in her favor.
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"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him."
"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."
-Voltaire
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