Quote:
|
Originally Posted by EULA
Don't be surprised if these 'battles' don't end. See what happens when you stop controlling minute aspects of her life. If she goes to bed late or eats too many cookies, it's not going to do her any harm, certainly if it's only for a few days. She wants independence, so give it to her.
I don't have children so take this as you will, but I think you'll find parenting a lot less frustrating if you let her do whatever she wants. Permissiveness is often conflated with negligence, which I don't think is true. People will say that you're spoiling her, but spoiled children are children who are given things instead of love.
If you do this for a week, the first few days she'll make herself sick eating cookies and will go to bed late just because she can, but by the 4th day she'll become more "sensible".
|
OMG.
Eula,
Please don't take this personally, but that is the worst parenting advice I have ever seen.
Studies and child psychologists all agree that children
want boundries. It is one way that they know their parents care about them.
Your path simply teaches her that she can do whatever she wants...which I think EVERYONE would agree is a bad thing to carry into adulthood. And make no mistake, this is where you start instilling those adult values.
You do NOT have to give in to show a child that you love them...indeed, quite the opposite. You SHOULD NOT GIVE IN when you KNOW you are doing the right thing (this is not to say that you should never give in...sometimes it is important to pick your battles).
Edit to add:
Zigel,
One of the reasons that I, a 39 year old childless man (with a rather short fuse regarding bratty children) was willing to marry sexymama (who at the time had 8 and 10 year old girls and an 18 year old boy) was because of how damn well her children behaved. Oh sure, they do the normal kid things and get into minor trouble, but on the whole, they are polite and accept responsibility for their actions.
Her two 22 year old step sons (from her previous marriage) are well adjusted young men (even as one of them had a really rough adolescence).
Had her children acted like you describe your 5 year old acts, I would have run...fast.
So indeed, take all of the advice presented above as you will.