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Hey Ben, hang in there.
My heart dropped out of my chest when I read about your talk with her. I've had girlfriends cheat on me like that before, but I don't think that compares to having a wife cheat on you. Just thinking about having a talk like that with my wife makes me sick to my stomach.
Just remember, you'll get through it. Whether you separate or stay together, the pain will eventually lessen. You've got a lot of people here that have been through the same thing, and most of them will tell you that it sucked, but in the end it was a really good thing.
And don't blame yourself, no matter what she tells you.
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"Jenny, tell me, do you still walk, do you still get into sandwiches in a big way?" - Flight of the Conchords
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