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Old 04-14-2005, 12:06 PM   #7 (permalink)
roboshark
Crazy
 
Strong stuff. Very strong.

But the ending is weak. It goes nowhere. Fix that, and the story will be perfect.

I can't dare to give suggestions regarding the ending, because that has to emerge from your own brain, just like the rest of the story. Otherwise the whole just won't fit together.

Keep writing....
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