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We've had the same thing going on with our 7 year old. He always want to have the last word. We've been doing a reward system thing where he has the possibility of collecting two chips a day. If he doesn't comply with instructions, (come to dinner, pick up toys, etc.) after the 2nd or 3rd request he loses a chip. when he accrues 15 chips he's rewarded with something fun, ice cream cone, bowling, whatever. It has had some good results. My 10 year old who is slightly retarded and had ADD is a different story. He doesn't care if he loses rewards. Working on that.
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