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raeanna74 · 04-08-2005, 10:40 AM

I don't think I ever lost my religion. I never really rejected it completely either. I have become exceptionally suspicious of the religious "motives" of others in the religion I grew up in. That was only a result of a life changing event in my husband's and my lives. I grew up in a strictly religious family where for a time the women were asked to wear headcoverings to church as well as other nearly menonite rules. Hubby grew up in much the same environment. His father worked in a religious college and he and his family were controlled by the strict rules of the college.

After hubby and I had been married for about 2 years he was seriously injured, hospitalized, and in a coma. At the time the Dr's wouldn't give me hope of him coming out of it without being a near or complete vegetable. We had many friends from his father's work and from our church's who came to visit while he was in the coma. It began to become clear at that time the underlying motives of those who came to over support and condolences. There were some who came and stayed the whole day, visited with the other's that came, and made public this monetary gift of support. Then there were those who drove 2 hours, slipped us an envelope with a note saying the support was for our meals while were were away from home. They would stay only long enough to hug, comfort, and pray with us and then left before others came. Some of those came later in the day or early in the morning so that they weren't there when the "crowd" was. There were some days that the well-wishers tired me out more than the waiting at Joe's bedside.

After he finally left the hospital the only ones who came to call were those QUIET well-wishers. The ones who had been very public with their assistance were those who would catch us in public and say fairly loudly "I have been praying for you morning and night." or some such pious remark. Those outwardly pious ones were the ones who forgot about us quite quickly. Once the gravity of the injuries effect on the rest of our lives began to sink in the hypocrites were long gone. They had forgotten our struggle. Most of them would see us and ask "How're you doing?" as they would anyone else. When we replied with the truth - that we were struggling with the aftershock they would get uncomfortable and almost act like they didn't want to hear. They wanted their prayers answered whether it was the truth or not.

I began to be very critical of our faith. Especially the parts such as, who is in control, why do bad things happen, is it "god's" will, and many similar questions. No one has given me a satisfactory answer yet and I haven't found one either.

For the most part I've begun to think that God isn't that interested in each one of us. We're pretty much on our own it seems to me. I dont' disbelieve in my God or the religion I grew up with. I just don't hold it on such a high pedistal or trust what I've been taught completely.

Sorry to make this longer but after going back and reading more I had to comment. I've studied the book of job. I have a minor in Bible even so none of the persecution or trial stories are foreign to me. My problem with this is I still don't understand the purpose of the trials some people go through. Sure God turned around and blessed Job beyond comprehension - What about Aunt Nancy? Aunt Nancy has cared for her mother with Alzheimers for more than 8 years. Only a few years after her mother died she began to loose her husband to Alzheimers. She was never able to bear children though she wanted them. She and her husband adopted some that were a little older but one of them was very bitter about his birth mother. He now never calls and last we heard had run away with the circus (no kidding) and they've not heard from him in 3 years. She is nearly 80 and has spent her entire life in the ministry being a pastors wife, a nurse, and a school teacher - where's her blessing gonna be?? Yeah I know heaven - with the descriptions that my religion gives of heaven I'd be happy with the basics there. What purpose do I need to go through more externally imposed trials just so I get more jewels?? I just don't get that.

04-08-2005, 10:40 AM	#34 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	I don't think I ever lost my religion. I never really rejected it completely either. I have become exceptionally suspicious of the religious "motives" of others in the religion I grew up in. That was only a result of a life changing event in my husband's and my lives. I grew up in a strictly religious family where for a time the women were asked to wear headcoverings to church as well as other nearly menonite rules. Hubby grew up in much the same environment. His father worked in a religious college and he and his family were controlled by the strict rules of the college. After hubby and I had been married for about 2 years he was seriously injured, hospitalized, and in a coma. At the time the Dr's wouldn't give me hope of him coming out of it without being a near or complete vegetable. We had many friends from his father's work and from our church's who came to visit while he was in the coma. It began to become clear at that time the underlying motives of those who came to over support and condolences. There were some who came and stayed the whole day, visited with the other's that came, and made public this monetary gift of support. Then there were those who drove 2 hours, slipped us an envelope with a note saying the support was for our meals while were were away from home. They would stay only long enough to hug, comfort, and pray with us and then left before others came. Some of those came later in the day or early in the morning so that they weren't there when the "crowd" was. There were some days that the well-wishers tired me out more than the waiting at Joe's bedside. After he finally left the hospital the only ones who came to call were those QUIET well-wishers. The ones who had been very public with their assistance were those who would catch us in public and say fairly loudly "I have been praying for you morning and night." or some such pious remark. Those outwardly pious ones were the ones who forgot about us quite quickly. Once the gravity of the injuries effect on the rest of our lives began to sink in the hypocrites were long gone. They had forgotten our struggle. Most of them would see us and ask "How're you doing?" as they would anyone else. When we replied with the truth - that we were struggling with the aftershock they would get uncomfortable and almost act like they didn't want to hear. They wanted their prayers answered whether it was the truth or not. I began to be very critical of our faith. Especially the parts such as, who is in control, why do bad things happen, is it "god's" will, and many similar questions. No one has given me a satisfactory answer yet and I haven't found one either. For the most part I've begun to think that God isn't that interested in each one of us. We're pretty much on our own it seems to me. I dont' disbelieve in my God or the religion I grew up with. I just don't hold it on such a high pedistal or trust what I've been taught completely. Sorry to make this longer but after going back and reading more I had to comment. I've studied the book of job. I have a minor in Bible even so none of the persecution or trial stories are foreign to me. My problem with this is I still don't understand the purpose of the trials some people go through. Sure God turned around and blessed Job beyond comprehension - What about Aunt Nancy? Aunt Nancy has cared for her mother with Alzheimers for more than 8 years. Only a few years after her mother died she began to loose her husband to Alzheimers. She was never able to bear children though she wanted them. She and her husband adopted some that were a little older but one of them was very bitter about his birth mother. He now never calls and last we heard had run away with the circus (no kidding) and they've not heard from him in 3 years. She is nearly 80 and has spent her entire life in the ministry being a pastors wife, a nurse, and a school teacher - where's her blessing gonna be?? Yeah I know heaven - with the descriptions that my religion gives of heaven I'd be happy with the basics there. What purpose do I need to go through more externally imposed trials just so I get more jewels?? I just don't get that. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma. Last edited by raeanna74; 04-08-2005 at 12:01 PM..