ShaniFaye

I was raised in church, I dont feel like I was forced to go, because I enjoyed it so much. When I moved away from home, I fell in with the wrong crowd, became a cocaine addict and stopped going to church.

During my rehab I met my 1st husband, who'd been raised in church of god, never drank or done drugs in his life (well he was only 18 at the time lol) I started going back to church. We eventually changed churches a few years later to a non denominational one. I became immersed in it....I was in every ministry I could get into....I was the head of the womens ministry, worked with both the little kids and high schoolers ministry's...homeless ministry, fed the families of peope in hospitals, organized wakes etc you name it, I was on it, if they needed something done they called Shannon cause she never said no.

May 6th 1999 I had a bad car accident, well it could have been worse, but to me the following week was hell because I could not get out of bed. Not ONE person from the church called, not one, no one brought my family food even though I was unable to take care of them, not one card, not one visitor, nothing.

I've never for one second of one day not believed in god. To me I KNOW he exists, Im just as sure of it as the atheists are sure he doesnt. But I now know that I dont have to be in church to believe. Though my faith in organized religion, and my so called friends was shaken to the very core...my faith in god never ONCE waivered. I get mad at him, I yell at him, I complain and whine, but he expects that from me, I talk to him just like I would a best friend, I remember to tell him when Im happy, when Im glad, when Im confused, even though I know in my heart I dont have to cause he already knows.

When I was a child, my "imaginary" playmate was jesus, he and I had tea parties all the time. I remember my mother coming in my room in the middle of the night once during a tornado to get me and she said I was sitting in the middle of the bed staring at the corner of the room talking my head off. (I obviously did that a lot) but this one particular time sticks out because I wouldnt let her take me from the room for shelter, I told her Jesus had told me we'd be fine and to have faith (keep in mind I was 4 at the time). Well she got me up anyway and put me in the hall closet. I remember that night like it was yesterday. I remember hearing the tornado (wasnt the first one, where we lived in Alabama, we had them all the time), I remember hearing the roar, feeling the house shake, but I also remember I wasnt scared.

When it was over we went out side....the houses on both sides next door and the one across the street were completely demolished, nothing left standing. We didnt even have a shingle off the roof, my empty plastic swimming pool was still in the back yard where it always was.

I have no doubt god/jesus talks to me still today....Over the years I've learned to listen even though its not what I want. Some people like to say god is a crutch etc, I really dont care. I live to be the best person I can, try not to be judegmental, and have a heart for mankind, if God helps me do that, I dont give a flying fart if somebody else doesnt believe or not....thats between them and...whomever. I just feel sorry for them sometimes because I wonder, really wonder, if they feel the kind of peace I know exists, when I open my heart and listen.

sorry for the rambling...I dont feel well today lol

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!