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I'm a horrible procrastinator. I have really bad anxiety attacks sometimes, and that doesn't help when feeling overwhelmed.
I would love to be successful- but my main thing (like with my writing) is that I've spent so much time loving the art, that if I really got some scripts done, and submitted them, and they were rejected, i'd feel as though my one true love and talent is not so much a talent at all- and then i'd really have nothing to feel good about, talent-wise.
I've gotten lots of praise from many different people, always done well with my writing so, for all I know, my fears are total bullshit. The unfortunate thing, of course, is that my fear of failure in that arena, like my anxiety attacks, are largely uncontrollable. I am NOT taking a regimen of prescription drugs. They alter your mind's chemistry and put me in a disconnected haze all the time. I smoke (pot) sometimes to kill an existing attack (the only thing that works, works wonderfully, I don't even have to get stoned for it to work), but I need to stave off the attack before it starts sometimes or else just having had the attack scares me into not wanting to do whatever caused it again.
*leaves a window open to his soul*
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