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BigBen · 04-05-2005, 02:18 PM

A buddy of mine asked if I could take his fish, because "He wasn't doing well with others..."

I had to ask, "What do you mean? Is he not letting the other fish join in the fucking Reindeer games? Is he ridiculing the size of their genitalia? Help me out here..."

"No, dude, he is EATING THE OTHER FISH. I have some very expensive fish here, and the fact that he is having a sushi platter every day is killing me. Help me out here. You have an aquarium, do you want it, or should I flush it?"

I thought about the FLUSHING thing that has been referred to in the other posts here, and so my heart melted for the little guy and I took him (her? Who cares) in. He made a home under a rock that I had, and made himself comfortable. I was flattered that he settled in so quickly. My other fish could care less.

Then I counted, and one of the original fish was missing.

Then another.

THEN 1 PER DAY UNTIL THIS PSYCHOPATH HAS EATEN ALL MY FISH FRIENDS. I ask you, my fellow pacifists, what would you have me do? Do I kill the killer? He is only eating, after all, the whole cycle of life thing. He is doing what comes naturally. I guess the other fish are also doing what comes naturally, which is DYING!! The perpetrator will not eat any of the special food I have bought him, and instead he is sitting in the tank, alone, in his cool home he made himself, waiting for me to go buy more fish for him to MURDER.

I have since refused to buy more fish for him to kill, and instead I have bought different types of special food. He still has not eaten. I cannot tell if he is starving, but I also don't want to turn this into a FEEDING TUBE issue. The politicians have muddied those waters enough, without me asking my friendly local ethicist if fish are included in the court decision.

I AM BEGGING YOU FELLOW TFP'ERS FOR GUIDANCE. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?

04-05-2005, 02:18 PM	#18 (permalink)
BigBen Comedian Location: Use the search button	A buddy of mine asked if I could take his fish, because "He wasn't doing well with others..." I had to ask, "What do you mean? Is he not letting the other fish join in the fucking Reindeer games? Is he ridiculing the size of their genitalia? Help me out here..." "No, dude, he is EATING THE OTHER FISH. I have some very expensive fish here, and the fact that he is having a sushi platter every day is killing me. Help me out here. You have an aquarium, do you want it, or should I flush it?" I thought about the FLUSHING thing that has been referred to in the other posts here, and so my heart melted for the little guy and I took him (her? Who cares) in. He made a home under a rock that I had, and made himself comfortable. I was flattered that he settled in so quickly. My other fish could care less. Then I counted, and one of the original fish was missing. Then another. THEN 1 PER DAY UNTIL THIS PSYCHOPATH HAS EATEN ALL MY FISH FRIENDS. I ask you, my fellow pacifists, what would you have me do? Do I kill the killer? He is only eating, after all, the whole cycle of life thing. He is doing what comes naturally. I guess the other fish are also doing what comes naturally, which is DYING!! The perpetrator will not eat any of the special food I have bought him, and instead he is sitting in the tank, alone, in his cool home he made himself, waiting for me to go buy more fish for him to MURDER. I have since refused to buy more fish for him to kill, and instead I have bought different types of special food. He still has not eaten. I cannot tell if he is starving, but I also don't want to turn this into a FEEDING TUBE issue. The politicians have muddied those waters enough, without me asking my friendly local ethicist if fish are included in the court decision. I AM BEGGING YOU FELLOW TFP'ERS FOR GUIDANCE. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!? __________________ 3.141592654 Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.