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The5thCandidate · 04-04-2005, 10:01 PM

Jeff knew for sure, but Slim just wanted to relax. I was keen to follow either or both of them around all night, but it was starting to look they were about to part. Slim said somehting along the lines of: "Hey man, just about two, you want to have a seat and help me finish off this Merlot?" Jeff, of course, hated wine, and Slim knew it. Slim wanted Jeff to get pissed off. Not that he didn't like Jeff, I'd say he probably loved him more than his own brother, but Slim's favorite person to see angry was Jeff. Jeff took his hat and walked over to the window.

"How 'bout you?" he asked, indicating me with his middle finger like he always did. I thought about it, and I admitted that a walk would be pretty good right now. I wanted to immerse myself in the city, I guess, just sort of slip into the sounds of the sirens and homeless lunatics and street messiahs. I wanted to hear a brilliant conversation between two fools and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs only to be drowned out by the unstrained shouts of wild men with their hair knotted and unkept and their brown jackets with one large hole in the back and their baggy trousers and shoes that don't match. They carry their lives with them in small velvet sacks and thick canvas bags. Their eyes, you're sure, don't show them anything, because they see through their hands and their ears and their mouths. I wanted to find something so moving that I would have to cry. Something that was more than a mere miracle, because you can find them all over the city. It had to be heartbreaking. I wanted something to break my heart. And I sure as hell wasn't going to find it in this god damn basement.

"Oh fuck off, Jeff, I'll go with you." said Slim. "I just wanted to wait a couple second, that's all. You're too excited, you need to stop expecting you're missing something." And with that he got up and put on his tweed coat and grabbed the wine bottle between hisindex and middle fingers. We headed out the door and found the street was ablaze with sort of common chaos I was so tired of seeing. I tried to get them to head towards the river but they insisted on watching this one pair of zealots shout about some rule or something. I felt like running, so I took off.

I didn't find anything that night. I ran through the city for four hours, but couldn't find anything but bums and drunks. When I got home I fell into the big green chair in the living room and stared at the window for another two hours. I thought my head was going to fall right into my lap. I thought I was surely going to die that night. I was almost hoping for it, to get away from this city wich felt like it was already dead. I wanted to see the city the way I had a year ago. I was so excited about it then, everything was so powerful and special and mad, like a dream that turns words into music. I was in love with the city then, but now I had to look too hard to find anything new. I fell asleep that night crying and thinking that my heart was broken, but no the way I wanted it to be. I wanted it to be blown apart, shattering with a resounding Crash! Instead, it had been broken slowly and with no hint of wonder, not a sound. How was I ever going to live when everything around me was dying?

04-04-2005, 10:01 PM	#2 (permalink)
The5thCandidate Crazy Location: East coast of Canada	Jeff knew for sure, but Slim just wanted to relax. I was keen to follow either or both of them around all night, but it was starting to look they were about to part. Slim said somehting along the lines of: "Hey man, just about two, you want to have a seat and help me finish off this Merlot?" Jeff, of course, hated wine, and Slim knew it. Slim wanted Jeff to get pissed off. Not that he didn't like Jeff, I'd say he probably loved him more than his own brother, but Slim's favorite person to see angry was Jeff. Jeff took his hat and walked over to the window. "How 'bout you?" he asked, indicating me with his middle finger like he always did. I thought about it, and I admitted that a walk would be pretty good right now. I wanted to immerse myself in the city, I guess, just sort of slip into the sounds of the sirens and homeless lunatics and street messiahs. I wanted to hear a brilliant conversation between two fools and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs only to be drowned out by the unstrained shouts of wild men with their hair knotted and unkept and their brown jackets with one large hole in the back and their baggy trousers and shoes that don't match. They carry their lives with them in small velvet sacks and thick canvas bags. Their eyes, you're sure, don't show them anything, because they see through their hands and their ears and their mouths. I wanted to find something so moving that I would have to cry. Something that was more than a mere miracle, because you can find them all over the city. It had to be heartbreaking. I wanted something to break my heart. And I sure as hell wasn't going to find it in this god damn basement. "Oh fuck off, Jeff, I'll go with you." said Slim. "I just wanted to wait a couple second, that's all. You're too excited, you need to stop expecting you're missing something." And with that he got up and put on his tweed coat and grabbed the wine bottle between hisindex and middle fingers. We headed out the door and found the street was ablaze with sort of common chaos I was so tired of seeing. I tried to get them to head towards the river but they insisted on watching this one pair of zealots shout about some rule or something. I felt like running, so I took off. I didn't find anything that night. I ran through the city for four hours, but couldn't find anything but bums and drunks. When I got home I fell into the big green chair in the living room and stared at the window for another two hours. I thought my head was going to fall right into my lap. I thought I was surely going to die that night. I was almost hoping for it, to get away from this city wich felt like it was already dead. I wanted to see the city the way I had a year ago. I was so excited about it then, everything was so powerful and special and mad, like a dream that turns words into music. I was in love with the city then, but now I had to look too hard to find anything new. I fell asleep that night crying and thinking that my heart was broken, but no the way I wanted it to be. I wanted it to be blown apart, shattering with a resounding Crash! Instead, it had been broken slowly and with no hint of wonder, not a sound. How was I ever going to live when everything around me was dying? __________________ Muthtard?! Don't let'th be thilly. Lemon, now that'th different...