I'm kind of in synch with fatbob, in that you can be married in fact without being married in law. If both partners feel that way, it really is a marriage rather than "living together."
I've done both. I moved in with a woman who I thought, I _would_ be willing to marry if she could just iron out some little problems of hers, with my support. Well, it never happened (can you spell c-o-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-c-e? I knew you could). And since my commitment was only conditional, I walked.
Then I started a relationship with somebody I'd known as a friend for ten years; we'd worked together and really trusted each other, but like fatbob, she didn't feel the state should sanction relationships. So we decided what our goals were together, committed ourselves to 'til death do us part, and we declared ourselves married.
A few years later, we got legally married anyway, by a judge; I won't go into why. But things were the same before the ceremony as after, because we were really married already. We'd worked everything out.
If -- and I say if -- there is a higher divorce rate among those who live together first than those who don't, it may be because many of those who live together first don't realize the greater commitment that marriage requires, and thus don't do all the work up front that marriage requires.
I would recommend to anyone living together to see a marriage counselor _before_ they get married, to see if they need to clear anything up first. It'd really help. Some ministers are good at this kind of counseling, too -- practically the only kind they are good at -- but it's hit or miss.
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