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fatbob · 03-30-2005, 02:37 AM

i live with my partner and have done for about 6 years now. we have no plans to get married. ever. but we do plan to spend the rest of our lives together.
however, i can not imagine being in the position of actually marrying someone without living with them first. it is only when you live with someone for a couple of years that you know what they are really like, even then you might never fully get to know someone (but that is for another thread...) and to commit to marriage you have to know someone completely.
i think that it might also depend on what you want from your marriage/partnership. if you just want to be married to someone that will always be there then sure go ahead and marry them without fully knowing them, however, if you want to be with someone that will make you happier and that will, in a sense, 'complete' you then you need to take your time and get to know them. this involves, i believe, living with them.
sticking in a unhappy marriage because you are married seems like a daft place to be for me...

as to why my partner and i won't get married. well i don't wish to offend those who are married or who are christian (or pagan) but i don't believe that a religious ceremony should have such standing in my society; i see marriage as a fundamentally religious commitment that i have no place to make because i am not religious. i don't believe that for my relationship (of 8 years) to be recognised legally i should have to submit to a religious ceremony that i have no belief in, it would be an insult to me and to that religion too. if i were to get married i would be part of a problem that i don't think should exist; namely that my long term committed should have more social and legal standing than a one month old marriage.

sorry if i ended up ranting. i had an incident where i was in hospital where they wouldn't let my partner in to see me because she was not 'a family member' and that is just not on in my eyes.

fb

03-30-2005, 02:37 AM	#16 (permalink)
fatbob Insane Location: Edinburgh	i live with my partner and have done for about 6 years now. we have no plans to get married. ever. but we do plan to spend the rest of our lives together. however, i can not imagine being in the position of actually marrying someone without living with them first. it is only when you live with someone for a couple of years that you know what they are really like, even then you might never fully get to know someone (but that is for another thread...) and to commit to marriage you have to know someone completely. i think that it might also depend on what you want from your marriage/partnership. if you just want to be married to someone that will always be there then sure go ahead and marry them without fully knowing them, however, if you want to be with someone that will make you happier and that will, in a sense, 'complete' you then you need to take your time and get to know them. this involves, i believe, living with them. sticking in a unhappy marriage because you are married seems like a daft place to be for me... as to why my partner and i won't get married. well i don't wish to offend those who are married or who are christian (or pagan) but i don't believe that a religious ceremony should have such standing in my society; i see marriage as a fundamentally religious commitment that i have no place to make because i am not religious. i don't believe that for my relationship (of 8 years) to be recognised legally i should have to submit to a religious ceremony that i have no belief in, it would be an insult to me and to that religion too. if i were to get married i would be part of a problem that i don't think should exist; namely that my long term committed should have more social and legal standing than a one month old marriage. sorry if i ended up ranting. i had an incident where i was in hospital where they wouldn't let my partner in to see me because she was not 'a family member' and that is just not on in my eyes. fb __________________ change happens when those who don't normally speak get heard by those who don't normally listen.