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username · 03-23-2005, 07:00 AM

For Sale: Antique Mahogany victorian armoire; circa 1920's; beveled mirror; 5 locking drawers, skull key; dimensions 6'x5'x3'; good condition, $275.00;

That is what the for sale section of the paper showed; and at the time, I thought this would be the perfect gift for my parents since they are collectors of antiques. Stepping into their house is like an anacronism. A 19th century french armoire houses a 32" TV, an early 1900 solid oak desk houses not quills and paper but a computer and printer. They might not need this victorian armoire, but they would take it either way, cause hey, I'm their eldest son.

After calling the number associated with the ad and speaking to what seemed like an old lady ready to die, I hopped in my car and headed over to see this antique. I arrived at a small, quaint house in the middle of the historical section of town. The house, people and furniture inside appeared to be in the same era as the armoire mentioned in the ad. The old lady opened the door after my knocks and she was dressed in victorian era clothes.

"So you are here for the victorian armoire, are you not?" she quizzed me.

"Yes, ma'am, I think it would work well for my parents, but I'd like to look at it and make sure before I do anything," I responed, trying to not act too interested even though I was going to buy it regardless.

She just hurmphed at my answer and began walking through the house, I followed, peering into rooms and realizing, my parents house wasn't an anachronism, this entire house was, including the old lady living inside. Finally, we reached the room where the armoire was being kept. It was amazing and looked brand new. The mahogany was rich and had a shine that must have taken days to acheive. The details around the mirror were exquisite and the locking mechanisms on the drawers were just as finely detailed as the rest of the piece. The old lady walked over to the armoire and then pulled the skull key out of one drawers.

"I can tell you are amazed by the woodwork and attention to detail on it, but look at this key and you will be even more amazed."

She held her hand out with the key sitting in her palm, I took it and looked closely at the bronze key and the metal engraving on it. The skull was large, with the shaft of the key coming out of the skull's mouth and various snakes and other creepy creatures were running around the skull.

"Creepy, but I think my parents will like it, maybe not the key, but the rest of it for sure. If you don't mind, I need to call a friend and get him and his truck out here, it shouldn't take him more than a few minutes to get here."

She nodded, I called, and within 30 minutes the victorian armoire was in my house awaiting my parent's wedding aniversary. I took the skull key and opened the smaller drawers and looked inside, the three smaller drawers that she hadn't unlocked took some time to open, this piece obviously hadn't been used in a long time. I was amazed that smell from inside the drawers wasn't musty at all, it smelled brand new. Which to say, I wasn't suprised given how odd the old lady and her house was. So, I then decided to open the largest drawer on the bottom. I slipped the key into the keyhole and the drawer unlocked quite easily as compared to the others. As I opened the drawer something hopped out of the drawer and knocked me to the ground.

When I got over the initial shock a four foot impish creature was sitting on top of a dresser I had across the room.

"Hello, Lane, I'm Satan, " it said to me, "thank you for unlocking me from my prison and allowing me to start the apocolypse. However, I'll need you to open the door to this room due to some spiritual plane things you'll never understand."

"Well, no problem Satan, but I do understand these spirtual plane things."

I turned my back on him and walked towards the door.

"I see you are one of my worshipers."

"No, I'm not, I'm just gonna let you and god talk to each other for a while, he is trapped in the ceiling fan" I shot back at the prince of darkness over my shoulder as I flipped on the ceiling fan switch and closed the door as I left the room.

03-23-2005, 07:00 AM	#11 (permalink)
username Insane	For Sale: Antique Mahogany victorian armoire; circa 1920's; beveled mirror; 5 locking drawers, skull key; dimensions 6'x5'x3'; good condition, $275.00; That is what the for sale section of the paper showed; and at the time, I thought this would be the perfect gift for my parents since they are collectors of antiques. Stepping into their house is like an anacronism. A 19th century french armoire houses a 32" TV, an early 1900 solid oak desk houses not quills and paper but a computer and printer. They might not need this victorian armoire, but they would take it either way, cause hey, I'm their eldest son. After calling the number associated with the ad and speaking to what seemed like an old lady ready to die, I hopped in my car and headed over to see this antique. I arrived at a small, quaint house in the middle of the historical section of town. The house, people and furniture inside appeared to be in the same era as the armoire mentioned in the ad. The old lady opened the door after my knocks and she was dressed in victorian era clothes. "So you are here for the victorian armoire, are you not?" she quizzed me. "Yes, ma'am, I think it would work well for my parents, but I'd like to look at it and make sure before I do anything," I responed, trying to not act too interested even though I was going to buy it regardless. She just hurmphed at my answer and began walking through the house, I followed, peering into rooms and realizing, my parents house wasn't an anachronism, this entire house was, including the old lady living inside. Finally, we reached the room where the armoire was being kept. It was amazing and looked brand new. The mahogany was rich and had a shine that must have taken days to acheive. The details around the mirror were exquisite and the locking mechanisms on the drawers were just as finely detailed as the rest of the piece. The old lady walked over to the armoire and then pulled the skull key out of one drawers. "I can tell you are amazed by the woodwork and attention to detail on it, but look at this key and you will be even more amazed." She held her hand out with the key sitting in her palm, I took it and looked closely at the bronze key and the metal engraving on it. The skull was large, with the shaft of the key coming out of the skull's mouth and various snakes and other creepy creatures were running around the skull. "Creepy, but I think my parents will like it, maybe not the key, but the rest of it for sure. If you don't mind, I need to call a friend and get him and his truck out here, it shouldn't take him more than a few minutes to get here." She nodded, I called, and within 30 minutes the victorian armoire was in my house awaiting my parent's wedding aniversary. I took the skull key and opened the smaller drawers and looked inside, the three smaller drawers that she hadn't unlocked took some time to open, this piece obviously hadn't been used in a long time. I was amazed that smell from inside the drawers wasn't musty at all, it smelled brand new. Which to say, I wasn't suprised given how odd the old lady and her house was. So, I then decided to open the largest drawer on the bottom. I slipped the key into the keyhole and the drawer unlocked quite easily as compared to the others. As I opened the drawer something hopped out of the drawer and knocked me to the ground. When I got over the initial shock a four foot impish creature was sitting on top of a dresser I had across the room. "Hello, Lane, I'm Satan, " it said to me, "thank you for unlocking me from my prison and allowing me to start the apocolypse. However, I'll need you to open the door to this room due to some spiritual plane things you'll never understand." "Well, no problem Satan, but I do understand these spirtual plane things." I turned my back on him and walked towards the door. "I see you are one of my worshipers." "No, I'm not, I'm just gonna let you and god talk to each other for a while, he is trapped in the ceiling fan" I shot back at the prince of darkness over my shoulder as I flipped on the ceiling fan switch and closed the door as I left the room. Last edited by username; 03-23-2005 at 01:17 PM..