Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - I can never give him enough, and it's depressing me.

raeanna74 · 03-20-2005, 09:02 AM

Wow, where to begin. I apologize ahead of time if I happened to miss anything. I came here late in the discussion and had to read a lot.

I guess I'll begin with the first thing that came to my mind at the first post.
- You said that sex burns. I have had sex that burns and afterwards I feel almost bruised even if it was a gentle quickie. There have been a few reasons for the burning.
1. Bacterial Vaginosis - partly a result of imbalanced Ph. Often Dr's don't even check for it because it's soooo common and because many women don't have symptoms because of it. SOMETIMES it shows up in a Pap as abnormal cells but that's only if it has currently caused inflammation. It often does not show up on a regular Pap so possibly wouldn't have shown up on the Pap at the gym.
2. Yeasties - not so often do they cause me to feel burning but it does sometimes affect me that way. That would not show up on a regular Pap.
3. Condoms. You may have burning without condoms but if it intensifies WITH condoms then I would chuck those Latex ones. I'm allergic to Latex and it burns like icyhot in my vagina if I use a latex condom. I keep some non-latex condoms in my bedstand all the time. Renew them regularly.
4. I'm allergic to the KY liquid lube and especially the warming liquid. I have to use a water soluble, unflavors, unsented gel - the Walmart generic gel lube seems the best. When I used the KY liquid lube it made my burn for hours until I washed it all off.
5. Do you use scented pantyliners, or babypowder? Any harsh scents or chemicals on your genitals could affect you. Try going unscented and unadulterated for a while. If you need something to keep you dry you could sprinkle some baking soda in your panties or use unscented liners. Also use cotton panties. I can go all day feeling fine but if I've been using babypowder and then hubby and I play that night I'll feel the burning.

-Second thing that came to mind. Just because you're libidos are currently different doesn't mean that can change. From personal experience hubby and I have gone through times of very different libidos. Sooo much can affect your libido. Stress, health, discomfort, and emotional pressure. For a time hubby was asking for sex practically 3 times a day - more if we had time. I got to the point that I didn't want ANY sex at all. Hubby never could let me INITIATE it and it felt like I was more a tool instead of mutual sex partner. I talked to him about it after which he laid off asking for sex for a couple days actually. It was amazing how it changed my viewpoint. I wasn't super horny but I could think about sex without feeling turned off. At that point I initiated it before he could. That gave me such a feeling of empowerment and when he responded with joy it boosted that feeling. It was a turn on for me to initiate it. That helped our sex life a lot. He learned to let me go at my own pace sometimes and I got more turned on about WANTING to play.

-Next thing that came to mind - I don't know a lot about the Nuvaring but I would get the whole gamut of tests for BV, Yeast, and any other possible problems before getting it. If you have BV or anything else then the combination of treatment creams and Nuvaring chemicals could cause you more trouble. I don't know but I wonder if Nuvaring would affect the Ph in your vagina too. It would be something important for you to ask about.

-Another thought. Do you want the Nuvaring or the shot because of the convenience and because you might forget to take the pill?? If not then I would recommend asking you Dr for a very low dose pill. The more closely to your normal estrogen/progesterone levels that your hormones are at the more normal your sex drive will be.

I don't think you guys should truely consider splitting up - at least not yet. If you can't work through these problems you'll probably have some of the same upsets and sexual problems with the next guy too. Most guys have quite a libido. It's common for the women to not be as sexual. Women tend to be a little more emotional and their libido is more easily affected by emotion and daily stress. Don't feel guilty for your lack of enjoyment of sex. If you guys are willing to work hard on getting through this trouble you will have a better foundation for a future marriage.

One more thought - Don't worry if your honey wants to jack off a little even if you're around. I'm not so good with handjobs and when I had my wisdom tooth pulled I had my period that same week. We were both left without sex for about a week and oral wasn't in the picture with my bloody socket. So he did handjobs sometimes with me sometimes without. When I was around I would touch him, kiss him all over, and in general enjoy the scene. He would come on me, or elseware - whatever your choice. Just don't feel quilty for any situation that you find yourselves sexually.

I wish you both the best.

03-20-2005, 09:02 AM	#126 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Wow, where to begin. I apologize ahead of time if I happened to miss anything. I came here late in the discussion and had to read a lot. I guess I'll begin with the first thing that came to my mind at the first post. - You said that sex burns. I have had sex that burns and afterwards I feel almost bruised even if it was a gentle quickie. There have been a few reasons for the burning. 1. Bacterial Vaginosis - partly a result of imbalanced Ph. Often Dr's don't even check for it because it's soooo common and because many women don't have symptoms because of it. SOMETIMES it shows up in a Pap as abnormal cells but that's only if it has currently caused inflammation. It often does not show up on a regular Pap so possibly wouldn't have shown up on the Pap at the gym. 2. Yeasties - not so often do they cause me to feel burning but it does sometimes affect me that way. That would not show up on a regular Pap. 3. Condoms. You may have burning without condoms but if it intensifies WITH condoms then I would chuck those Latex ones. I'm allergic to Latex and it burns like icyhot in my vagina if I use a latex condom. I keep some non-latex condoms in my bedstand all the time. Renew them regularly. 4. I'm allergic to the KY liquid lube and especially the warming liquid. I have to use a water soluble, unflavors, unsented gel - the Walmart generic gel lube seems the best. When I used the KY liquid lube it made my burn for hours until I washed it all off. 5. Do you use scented pantyliners, or babypowder? Any harsh scents or chemicals on your genitals could affect you. Try going unscented and unadulterated for a while. If you need something to keep you dry you could sprinkle some baking soda in your panties or use unscented liners. Also use cotton panties. I can go all day feeling fine but if I've been using babypowder and then hubby and I play that night I'll feel the burning. -Second thing that came to mind. Just because you're libidos are currently different doesn't mean that can change. From personal experience hubby and I have gone through times of very different libidos. Sooo much can affect your libido. Stress, health, discomfort, and emotional pressure. For a time hubby was asking for sex practically 3 times a day - more if we had time. I got to the point that I didn't want ANY sex at all. Hubby never could let me INITIATE it and it felt like I was more a tool instead of mutual sex partner. I talked to him about it after which he laid off asking for sex for a couple days actually. It was amazing how it changed my viewpoint. I wasn't super horny but I could think about sex without feeling turned off. At that point I initiated it before he could. That gave me such a feeling of empowerment and when he responded with joy it boosted that feeling. It was a turn on for me to initiate it. That helped our sex life a lot. He learned to let me go at my own pace sometimes and I got more turned on about WANTING to play. -Next thing that came to mind - I don't know a lot about the Nuvaring but I would get the whole gamut of tests for BV, Yeast, and any other possible problems before getting it. If you have BV or anything else then the combination of treatment creams and Nuvaring chemicals could cause you more trouble. I don't know but I wonder if Nuvaring would affect the Ph in your vagina too. It would be something important for you to ask about. -Another thought. Do you want the Nuvaring or the shot because of the convenience and because you might forget to take the pill?? If not then I would recommend asking you Dr for a very low dose pill. The more closely to your normal estrogen/progesterone levels that your hormones are at the more normal your sex drive will be. I don't think you guys should truely consider splitting up - at least not yet. If you can't work through these problems you'll probably have some of the same upsets and sexual problems with the next guy too. Most guys have quite a libido. It's common for the women to not be as sexual. Women tend to be a little more emotional and their libido is more easily affected by emotion and daily stress. Don't feel guilty for your lack of enjoyment of sex. If you guys are willing to work hard on getting through this trouble you will have a better foundation for a future marriage. One more thought - Don't worry if your honey wants to jack off a little even if you're around. I'm not so good with handjobs and when I had my wisdom tooth pulled I had my period that same week. We were both left without sex for about a week and oral wasn't in the picture with my bloody socket. So he did handjobs sometimes with me sometimes without. When I was around I would touch him, kiss him all over, and in general enjoy the scene. He would come on me, or elseware - whatever your choice. Just don't feel quilty for any situation that you find yourselves sexually. I wish you both the best. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.