Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - I can never give him enough, and it's depressing me.

Acetylene · 03-19-2005, 09:37 AM

Woo, this got angry fast. Nowthen, I think she's referring not to the events she experienced, but to the pain she felt. The seriousness of a trauma does not always corrospond to the depth of the pain. For example, a healthy person who loses their father will mourn for 6 weeks, but a person inclined to depression will trigger a majoy episode and be ill for years.

LPM, I'm glad you're seeing psychologist. That's the right thing to do. But keep in mind it will take a long time to start feeling significantly better. Average is at least 6 weeks for some effect, 6 months of significant effect for psychological treatment. Kevin will need to be kept in the loop about your treatment so he can participate and speed up the process. What I mean is, if you and your doctor are talking about, for example, childhood physical abuse, he's going to need to be sensitive about that subject and avoid frightening you since you will have those memories fresh in your mind.

Just one quick thing, though (and please don't be sad, I'm just trying to let you know about something): it's very possible that for a relationship to be based on your psychological problems, and fall apart when you start to feel better. When I was 18, I had been in a relationship for 4 years and I was convinced we were getting married. But I was also depressed, and when my illness became too severe to ignore I finally sought treatment. During treatment it because evident to me that I had chosen and structured this relationship on inaccurate data, patterned it after my parents (who were going through a messy divorce), and as a result I had a boyfriend who was reinforcing my depression. As I got better I realized this but I didn't want to leave him because I loved him, but I was not able to fully recover until I did.

Again, I'm not attacking Kevin, I just think you should be aware that, especially when one is younger (and 18 is young enough, but you two must have met when you were even younger), one tends to pattern relationships after one's family. Since yours was dysfunctional, it might be good to take a look at your relationship with Kevin and try to cut out any behaviors or patterns that you brought into it from your childhood. I'm sure this will be necessary for you to fully recover from your trauma.

03-19-2005, 09:37 AM	#119 (permalink)
Acetylene Addict Location: under a rock	Woo, this got angry fast. Nowthen, I think she's referring not to the events she experienced, but to the pain she felt. The seriousness of a trauma does not always corrospond to the depth of the pain. For example, a healthy person who loses their father will mourn for 6 weeks, but a person inclined to depression will trigger a majoy episode and be ill for years. LPM, I'm glad you're seeing psychologist. That's the right thing to do. But keep in mind it will take a long time to start feeling significantly better. Average is at least 6 weeks for some effect, 6 months of significant effect for psychological treatment. Kevin will need to be kept in the loop about your treatment so he can participate and speed up the process. What I mean is, if you and your doctor are talking about, for example, childhood physical abuse, he's going to need to be sensitive about that subject and avoid frightening you since you will have those memories fresh in your mind. Just one quick thing, though (and please don't be sad, I'm just trying to let you know about something): it's very possible that for a relationship to be based on your psychological problems, and fall apart when you start to feel better. When I was 18, I had been in a relationship for 4 years and I was convinced we were getting married. But I was also depressed, and when my illness became too severe to ignore I finally sought treatment. During treatment it because evident to me that I had chosen and structured this relationship on inaccurate data, patterned it after my parents (who were going through a messy divorce), and as a result I had a boyfriend who was reinforcing my depression. As I got better I realized this but I didn't want to leave him because I loved him, but I was not able to fully recover until I did. Again, I'm not attacking Kevin, I just think you should be aware that, especially when one is younger (and 18 is young enough, but you two must have met when you were even younger), one tends to pattern relationships after one's family. Since yours was dysfunctional, it might be good to take a look at your relationship with Kevin and try to cut out any behaviors or patterns that you brought into it from your childhood. I'm sure this will be necessary for you to fully recover from your trauma. __________________ There's no justice. There's just us.