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I did a 6 week judo course when I was 9... but, if it came to it, I might be able to do a little pub car park brawling.... the trick is, if its a serious fight, you hurl your car keys straight into the face of the person attacking you, then punch them as hard as you can in the stomach, then smash your elbow round the back of their head as they double up.
I've never tried it in practice, but it sounds a good theory.
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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."
The Gospel of Thomas
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