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7pm. I shower, shave everywhere, re-shape my eyebrows, smooth mayonaise all over my body and then begin applying mustard. When I look into the mirror I see a glistening disk of ground beef. I see the grease pooling on the hard wood floors. I notice how my lettuce is droopy. I think I look too old to be a giant hamburger. But I start smoothing on a liberal dose of cheese. I add pickles, onions, two pieces of bacon, and a heavy application of ketchup. I put on my leopard print bra and panty set, thigh-high stockings, and black pumps. Please ignore that part. I reseed my buns then carefully adjust them on my head. I am Giant Hamburger and I am ready for the weekend.
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