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I am so sorry. I read your post and felt so helpless, I felt that no matter how much I type, you will still feel the way you do. It would be so great if you stay away from the alcohol, you are not working as a result of the alcohol, all that you have done so far really helped you to be strong and if you fall back into that pit, you are only going to get yourself more depressed. My best advice would be for you to go job hunting, any job, just as long as you can get money. Engage yourself in activities, do things like exercise like Seaver said, try to take your mind away from the obvious.
I am sure she has her reasons why she did what she did. Since she didn't give you much of an explanation why she wants to be alone, it seems to be that she is indeed seeing someone and doesn't want to tell you. You don't need to hurt yourself because of this and please understand that you do not need another person in your life to make you happy. Happiness comes from within, and if you rely on someone else to make you happy and stable, then that's the bad way to turn because should that person leaves you one day, you will be at ground zero again. Think about this, be strong. I am very proud of you that you were able to fight the alcohol problem, and remember if you do it again, you will only be hurting yourself. There is really solution in drinking to ease the pain. If you need someone to talk to, I am here, please feel free to PM me. Good luck with this.
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