la petite moi

I only just started accutane a couple weeks ago. This problem of burning has been going on for a long time. So has the problem with my libido.

And NOW...the full background on my life and everything I've thought about!:

I think I have a lot of mental troubles that affect my sex life. I've been thinking about what could affect me, and quite frankly, I have always come back to the fact that I have ALWAYS been exceptionally self-conscious. I have gone through eating disorders, and have never felt good enough for my parents. I still have this feeling with nwlinkvxd, though I am able to think I look good now. As Loveline always seemed to include: "Were you abused as a child?" And yes, I was. This could affect me as well. As some of you know, I recently endured another reminder of my childhood abuse. I still have extreme selfesteem issues, that I need to talk to a doctor for. Also, I keep thinking that I have never been in a relationship this long. All of my relationships were great in the beginning, but my selfesteem always ended up driving them away.

After I sort all this out, I think I can get back to being normal. It has seemed that since I was 14, there has always been some sort of self-esteem issue: from 14-17 I was incredibly depressed, had eating disorders, smoked marijuana, took uppers, cut myself for attention, and actually drank cough syrup in huge amounts to get 'drunk'. Now that I'm a little older, I still have depression problems and huge selfesteem issues.

I thought I was past it when I stopped crying after sex. I was wrong, and yes, guys, I need to get doctor help. It's just calling them up and doing it.

nwlinkvxd is not really at fault for this. I'd like to think that. He may not be the most sensitive guy on some occasions, but who wouldn't lose their patience when their girlfriend is obsessively depressed and bashes herself constantly. This sex problem is just a deeper underlying problem that I need to get help for.

Hm, let me address a few things that were bugging me from earlier posts:

hossified, YES- I need exercise, you are completely correct in that aspect.

ratbastid, nwlinkvxd doesn't make his own appointments (mom still does it for him), so how could even KNOW how to make mine? He and I don't have our own insurance yet. Also, we live so far apart, and doctor's offices aren't open on the weekend. No, this is a problem I need to be strong enough to deal with.

Rinn, I am nearly sure that I don't have endometriosis. nwlinkvxd's sister has it, and I don't really have any of the symptoms.

ironmaiden, I make no excuses. The absolute reason I turn nwlinkvxd down on several occasions is extreme exhaustion. It does not help that I do not have a correct vegetarian diet and make no attempt to change this. Oh, and I never said this was his problem.

Thanks for all your input guys. It is appreciated, even if some of it hurts.