Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Gilda
I don't beleive in destiny. We all have personality traits that make us more compatable with some people than with others. Some people have traits that enable them to be compatable with a relatively large portion of the population, and others with a relatively small part. Some people have traits that may make it nearly impossible to find a long term compatable partner.
Beyond that, I think it's simply a matter of probability, chance, and timing as to whether you find a person with whom you are compatable. You have to come into contact with the right person at the right time, and have to be able to recognize that this is the right person, and be able and willing to do the work to get to know and relate to and fit in with the other person.... I think that there are likely others out there with whom I could have been equally happy, and there are others with whom my SO could have been equally happy. But I don't value my relationship any less as a result. We are so good together that I would not risk this relationship for anything. I don't think I'd ever find anything remotely as good, anywhere near this close to perfect.
|
Gilda, I really liked your post. You pretty much summed up my response to this thread. Once upon a time I used to dream of living happily ever after with my one true love... that was a long time ago, though, before a few heartbreaks and realizations that people change, and not everyone can change well together. Hell I think I even wrote one of those letters to my "future husband" when I used to believe in waiting till marriage...
Fortunately, however, through a lot of traveling and thinking, I've realized that it's more a matter of chance (maybe serendipity is a better word?) than destiny. Being open to whoever might come into my life has been a much more rewarding attitude for me than to censor everyone and scrutinize, "Is this the one? Is it meant to be?" Of course one should have standards, I'm not saying that any Joe or Jane off the street should gain access to your heart... but so many things go into compatibility and love, I find it impossible to predict who is "right" until I'm actually in a relationship and seeing how it functions on a day-to-day basis. Obviously I'm not the type to say "Let's get married!" after a few weeks or months... some people can do it, but I'm way too rational/analytical to make a snap decision like that. Even if I feel totally in love with someone, I can't trust that feeling because I've felt that way before, and it changed, or we changed, and in hindsight I'm very glad to not have gotten married when I was too young and blind.
So I just wait and see. With my current bf we've been dating for 11 months and things are going as well as can be imagined, so that's all I need for now.
Marriage?... maybe if and when the time is right, but we don't feel it's an absolute necessity right now. If it happens, it happens. If not, we'll deal with it. (Taking a rather Zen view for now, I'll get back to you if/when things change and we'll see how calm I am!)