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You are too rigid Victor. You appeared absolutely unbending in your adherence to the rules above protecting this girl as your flesh and blood...but as time took it's toll you SLOWLY softened.
This guy isn't even her father...there's the rubb eh. No offense Victor, I don't know you beyond what I have seen posted here, but you seem like an overpious, by the books to the T kind of person. Your daughter obviously isn't...throw in the fact that you weren't a huge part of her life, and then here you stepped in, invoking legal means you didn't have to. Man, all you had to do was ask yourself...why was my daughter looking for love in these places? You didn't take her side--you didn't have her back when she needed you post. You instead chose to throw the book at her.
It's not a matter of setting boundaries. At that point you have to step in as a father and find out WHY she was having sex at that age...why she was hanging out with gang bangers. Man that guy she was with didn't even give her the baby...I don't think any of you realize how deep into that scene she might have been.
Do you even know they're gang bangers? You say the boy came to court in a t-shirt down his knees, but that's also just hip hop style today, and a lot of respectable kids are just into that style.
I don't know man, this is really a mess...just talk to your daughter, and ask her the things you want to know. Don't give your own opinions, don't berate...just listen. Think outside of your own personality--don't look at this situation from your own point of view. It's a hard concept, but shed all of your prejudices, all of your religious beliefs, all your morals. Just look at this for what it is...a young confused girl making some mistakes. Be a father and help her find her way again through compassion and understanding. You've gotta bend or you're not going to be able to hold the weight from all this emotional baggage forever and you're going to break.
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