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If she's good she knows the difference between pleasure and pain. Rarely have girls given me the latter.
I for one can't stand that air dance crap where the girl does all sorts of stupid shit but never touches any part of my body. To me the idea lapdance includes all of the following:
Pressing her boobs in my face and descending down to my pants (bonus if she sticks her nipple in my mouth or strokes me with her breasts, more bonus if she's licking the part under my earlobe with her nipple in my mouth)
Girl gets on her knees between my legs and rubs her hands up and down my legs while staring into my eyes (obvious bonus points for stroking actions) then runs her face up my inner thighs and up to my stomach. If she's really good she won't avoid your cock on the way and maybe simulate a bj somehow.
She gets in a 69 position and rubs her chest against my stomach (better if she rubs her pussy against my face the last girl that did that smelled so great it drove me wild)
Then there is all of that pressing of her ass and pussy against ever part of your body she can while standing/sitting: chest, stomach, thighs, cock, etc. It makes it much better when they grab the shaft while doing that.
Lapdances are supposed to by physical. Essentially, you are simulating sex. There is nothing like a dancer that can bring you so close to orgasm but never give you that release.
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