I can completely empathize with what you are going through. For what it's worth, I'm sorry you had to lose a friend this way. For no reason, every so often, does a person just come to mind? Take it to mean they're saying hello.
A classmate of mine, straight-A student, friendly but shy, lived out on a small farm. On a few occasions, he had told us how his day usually went. He would get up early (4 or 5am) to do chores before breakfast, catch the bus to get to school, afterschool he went home with his siblings, did his homework, ate dinner and finished his chores (10 or 11p). His life didn't sound very appealing to any of us, especially at ages 12 and/or 13. However, he was well-liked and respected.
One evening, he got into a fight with his mom. Words in anger were said - ones that some people wish didn't exist. At some point, he was so upset he went out to their barn...where he hung himself.
I used to visit his grave on the day of his death, his favorite holiday and his birthday. I also visited two others - a schoolmate of mine and the other was our neighbor. I thought of him when others thought of themselves...I remembered them when, it seemed, they were forgotten.
** ** **
One day, my mom called me. She wanted to see me, for my birthday, in the next few days. Hadn't seen or heard from her in five years, now she was back, acting like she hadn't been absent for more than a day. She was an alcoholic. I knew that her life was a mess, and so was she. Still, I was ecstatic that I would get to see her. During the visit, she seemed aged in every sense. After her visit, one filled with mixed emotions, I wished I knew more about her. Secretly, I hoped she'd return.
Less than a year later, she passed away in her sleep.
I remember those who are gone, by sharing my memories.. If you tell others about your memories...they remain vivid this way.
