Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

Bunnybear · 03-04-2005, 02:47 AM

Thank you all for your advice.

I'm feeling a bit better about the porn thing.... but I still feel the need to search his comp.
Oh and someone mentioned if I was snooping... well not at first, no. I downloaded spybot and used it and it found sextrackers in his registry and cookies. So I went and had a look and all these @porn sites were everywhere.

I'm 20 and he is now 26. I don't want anyone but him.

As for counselling: I've been in counselling since I was 13 and I have recently stopped when I moved here.
When it comes to sexual stuff, I have a hard time getting serious, and if I were to get serious, I'm afraid I'll freak out on him. We've been together for a little over 2 years (dating) and I have yet to really kiss him. When it comes to it, I start laughing and I know it's because I'm nervous but that ruins the mood.

He knows about my past and I think for some reason, that's why he won't let me do stuff to him. I could do something and ask how it feels and he would say "like nothing". And so I feel like a failure.
His reason for not letting me do stuff to him is that he doesn't want to make a mess... but he has no problems making a mess at his computer. That sorta thing is what upsets me.

The reason I haven't had sex with him is because I fear the pain, there are nights I want it more than anything and just don't cause I don't want to feel the pain. I have never used tampons, or fingered myself or used any sort of toy.

He would prefer me not do the latter, as it makes him uncomfortable for whatever reason. Since my past, I dislike my bits. I won't touch it with my own hands unless I am washing/shaving. If I masturbate, it's through clothes, cause I just can't touch it. The thought of something going up there makes me squimish. I hated going to the OB-GYN for this reason.. it was not only painful, but that whole squimish thing would kick in.

I probably contradicted myself somewhere in there... but it's because I sat here thinking about it as I typed this up.

As for the porn: He's against me using other things(I used to use a teddybear..) to pleasure myself with. He doesn't like it, so I don't do it... even when he's not home or around to see it, I just won't do it. I feel the same about porn, and he still does it. ._. I also cannot reach without his help, I never could.

I understand from reading other threads that it's good he focuses on getting me off.... but my focus is getting him off.. and he never lets me so I have never gotten him off.

I really need to hear more first time experiences, it'd put my mind at ease, should I make another thread?

03-04-2005, 02:47 AM	#11 (permalink)
Bunnybear Upright Location: UK	Thank you all for your advice. I'm feeling a bit better about the porn thing.... but I still feel the need to search his comp. Oh and someone mentioned if I was snooping... well not at first, no. I downloaded spybot and used it and it found sextrackers in his registry and cookies. So I went and had a look and all these @porn sites were everywhere. I'm 20 and he is now 26. I don't want anyone but him. As for counselling: I've been in counselling since I was 13 and I have recently stopped when I moved here. When it comes to sexual stuff, I have a hard time getting serious, and if I were to get serious, I'm afraid I'll freak out on him. We've been together for a little over 2 years (dating) and I have yet to really kiss him. When it comes to it, I start laughing and I know it's because I'm nervous but that ruins the mood. He knows about my past and I think for some reason, that's why he won't let me do stuff to him. I could do something and ask how it feels and he would say "like nothing". And so I feel like a failure. His reason for not letting me do stuff to him is that he doesn't want to make a mess... but he has no problems making a mess at his computer. That sorta thing is what upsets me. The reason I haven't had sex with him is because I fear the pain, there are nights I want it more than anything and just don't cause I don't want to feel the pain. I have never used tampons, or fingered myself or used any sort of toy. He would prefer me not do the latter, as it makes him uncomfortable for whatever reason. Since my past, I dislike my bits. I won't touch it with my own hands unless I am washing/shaving. If I masturbate, it's through clothes, cause I just can't touch it. The thought of something going up there makes me squimish. I hated going to the OB-GYN for this reason.. it was not only painful, but that whole squimish thing would kick in. I probably contradicted myself somewhere in there... but it's because I sat here thinking about it as I typed this up. As for the porn: He's against me using other things(I used to use a teddybear..) to pleasure myself with. He doesn't like it, so I don't do it... even when he's not home or around to see it, I just won't do it. I feel the same about porn, and he still does it. ._. I also cannot reach without his help, I never could. I understand from reading other threads that it's good he focuses on getting me off.... but my focus is getting him off.. and he never lets me so I have never gotten him off. I really need to hear more first time experiences, it'd put my mind at ease, should I make another thread? Last edited by Bunnybear; 03-04-2005 at 02:50 AM..