Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - I need some advice with my 'live-in'

Acetylene · 03-03-2005, 01:50 PM

Ok, so, silent treatment is not acceptable.

Neither is it acceptable to get all prideful and "refuse" to "go chasing after her." This is a mutually destructive situation and one of you must give in first. If you are really so mature, then you will be able to swallow your pride and apologize for nagging. Silent treatment MUST not be allowed to continue because it WILL destroy your relationship.

There are already tons of good suggestions on the board here so I will add only one. As has been said, when you clean, clean only your own mess. However, don't just leave her mess out there where it will drive you nuts. Instead, put it all in a pile someplace where it is in her way, like on her side of the bed. Then, say "I put all your stuff in [x location], so you can put it away when you get a chance." This is how my mother always used to deal with the problem of being the only one who cleaned, and it kept her sane and the house neat. It's also easier for the non-cleaner because they have a very clear pile to remove, not a generic "clean the house" command.

DO NOT use this as a punishment or a way to make a pointed comment, like putting food garbage on top of her clothes. Be as mature as you say you are and be a good example.

One last thing...you have said over and over that you think she is being disrespectful. Well, different people, unfortunately, have different ideas of respect. To her, you are likely being disrespectful by constantly criticising her. If she thought leaving stuff around meant disrespect, then she would not be doing it. Simple as that. No one wakes up in the morning and says "today I think I'll be rude and obnoxious."

Sorry for the harsh tone but the situation seems to have gotten out of hand and you need to take serious action. Let your pride sit this one out.

03-03-2005, 01:50 PM	#41 (permalink)
Acetylene Addict Location: under a rock	Ok, so, silent treatment is not acceptable. Neither is it acceptable to get all prideful and "refuse" to "go chasing after her." This is a mutually destructive situation and one of you must give in first. If you are really so mature, then you will be able to swallow your pride and apologize for nagging. Silent treatment MUST not be allowed to continue because it WILL destroy your relationship. There are already tons of good suggestions on the board here so I will add only one. As has been said, when you clean, clean only your own mess. However, don't just leave her mess out there where it will drive you nuts. Instead, put it all in a pile someplace where it is in her way, like on her side of the bed. Then, say "I put all your stuff in [x location], so you can put it away when you get a chance." This is how my mother always used to deal with the problem of being the only one who cleaned, and it kept her sane and the house neat. It's also easier for the non-cleaner because they have a very clear pile to remove, not a generic "clean the house" command. DO NOT use this as a punishment or a way to make a pointed comment, like putting food garbage on top of her clothes. Be as mature as you say you are and be a good example. One last thing...you have said over and over that you think she is being disrespectful. Well, different people, unfortunately, have different ideas of respect. To her, you are likely being disrespectful by constantly criticising her. If she thought leaving stuff around meant disrespect, then she would not be doing it. Simple as that. No one wakes up in the morning and says "today I think I'll be rude and obnoxious." Sorry for the harsh tone but the situation seems to have gotten out of hand and you need to take serious action. Let your pride sit this one out. __________________ There's no justice. There's just us.