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I believe people of both genders only engage in "mercy sex," as you say, when they don't value themselves enough to go out and find someone who will truly treasure them and would LOVE to have good sex with them, regardless of age.
Uptown, I gotta ask: can you give us some idea of your current relationship status? And I don't mean just married/divorced/single, I mean, what kind of relationship do you (or did you) have that influenced your self-image so greatly? Everything that you say is tinged with an accusation of men being unattracted to you, which tells me that this is something you've probably struggled with for a long time. Have you ever had sex with a man who attended to you with great tenderness and care, setting aside all of his own needs to take care of yours (no matter what your age)? I ask these things because I can't help but hear a lot of bitterness in your words... it sounds like some guy really screwed you over in the past (or is still doing so today) and made you feel very self-conscious of your body. If this is the case, I am sorry.
You also said "a woman with any sort of class or breeding gracefully retired from sexuality" after menopause; what does this mean? What class do you see yourself being in, and do you consider the rest of us to be below you in terms of class? I have a real problem with this tone, as it assumes a certain classism that says the rest of us are all lower-class sluts if we want to have sex after menopause. Is that your intention?
I wish we could take a poll of older couples to ask how many of them only have sex for obligatory purposes... I think the numbers themselves would disprove your theory. How does one set up a poll??
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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran
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