Rita Rudner has some awesome quotes.
"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times. "
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. "
"Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them."
My Favorite:
"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire? "
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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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