Guthmund, thanks for your response. I can really see where you're coming from... it echoes a lot of my own process, though I'm still working on how to be direct (and also not a hypocrite). It definitely helps if you expect that other people to hold you just as accountable as you hold them.
Hossified, I would ask your gf (when she calms down) if she prefers to live alone, and if so, discuss what that means for your relationship. If you can maintain a relationship without living together, I'd do that until you are ready to try living together again... sounds like less stress all around. Also might be helpful to ask her what she'd like her house to look like, ideally. What kind of home does she want to come home to? Does it match up with your idea?
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