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Great job! You can feel the hopelessness coming through from the writer. I like the way the reader reaches the same conclusions as the writer, at the same time. Good job. Oh, and don't feel like you're required to stay in any type of format (ie, ten sylabic lines, 4 lines per stanza, etc.) Feel free to allow your style to change as you need it to. It can be very powerful when there's one line in a stanza with just one syllabul, and everything else has 8, know what I mean? Keep writing, and keep us updated with your work!
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