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It sounds like she has always had other people clean up after her, so she is falling into the same pattern (I used to be that way, too). You can't really get mad at her for that, but you can help her understand why things need to change if you are living together and sharing space while maintaining a relationship. (Has she ever had to deal with roommates in the past? How did that go?) Does she understand how much it honestly frustrates you, and that you are not trying to be controlling but just enjoy your living space?
I really echo kollege_gal2000... with these issues, I think praise and appreciation go a LONG way when it's done with consistency. Ultimately the other person does want to make you happy (at least, I assume so, if you have been together so long), and vice versa. I don't want to make my boyfriend unhappy with my criticism, but I also remain unhappy if he is messy (or even if I am messy and don't have the energy to clean it up). So instead of nagging, you might tell her, "I feel unhappy when you don't do your share of the chores, because I feel tired when I have to do them and then I don't feel good about us," or something that clearly expresses your emotions in reaction to her behavior.
I'm learning that most things, even negative thoughts, can be expressed honestly as long as they are done in loving, non-accusational terms. And if she makes ANY effort to clean up, affirmation is definitely important... pick up on those small things and praise her for it. This stuff is very helpful to "grease" your relationship in general and make it easier to request for help with chores.
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