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Originally Posted by hossified
actually we both lived on our own and moved to this new place together....and yes I used to complain prior becasue she was extra messy. Again, I clean up right away after myself out of repsect for somwone else living with me, so they don't have to deal with my crap in theri way....and when she leaves her stuff out, I take it as disrespect. I would prefer that instead of ME having to pick up after her, that she would clean up better herself, because she knows it bugs me sooo much. I'm thinking why should I have to be the one to bend over backwards on this issue, when I'm doing it with so many other things??? It's not like this is a little quirk, its hygenic!
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Like I said previously, I have the same issue with my b/f. In my case, I do try sometimes to clean up my place when he is around (again we don't live together). What I do recommend because it is lacking in my relationship is when she does something good express that you do notice her trying. That will help.
So first calmly talk about it like adults, no yelling/nagging.
Second, clean up after yourself, and leave her mess. If you constantly clean up after her, she will never want to clean because she will think that you will always clean up after her. Do not let this get to you at first. She has to notice for herself how much of an inconvinence it is for you before she will do anything.
Third, when she does clean up something, comment on it. I do not mean, criticize another room, or say "this is nice but you missed a spot", I get those comments, hence why I don't clean up much anymore. Comment on how nice it looks, or just the fact that you appreciate it.
I hope this helps!