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sounds to me like sitting her down and telling her about your feelings or even bringing up the situation will only prompt her to make an exit. She's clearly unwilling to confront any problems you have and is unwilling to see the situation from your perspective.
maybe you should tell her that you aren't driving to see her anymore and she can come and see you for a change, then tell her after she gets there that you're spending time with your family and that she shouldn't ask you to choose between them.
or maybe you should just tell her that she is selfish and that you're tired of being unappreciated when you're doing everything you can to make the relationship work.
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